1
00:03:36.883 --> 00:03:38.910
RlCCO:
Colonel Sandurz?

2
00:03:38.910 --> 00:03:40.302
What is it,
Sergeant Ricco?

3
00:03:42.305 --> 00:03:46.183
You told me to let you know the moment
Planet Druidia was in sight, sir.

4
00:03:46.183 --> 00:03:47.309
So?

5
00:03:47.309 --> 00:03:49.561
Planet Druidia
is in sight, sir.

6
00:03:49.854 --> 00:03:51.647
You're really
a Spaceball.

7
00:03:51.647 --> 00:03:53.106
You know that,
don't you?

8
00:03:53.106 --> 00:03:54.399
Thanks, sir.

9
00:03:54.399 --> 00:03:55.901
Have you notified
Lord Helmet?

10
00:03:55.901 --> 00:03:58.237
Yes, sir. l took the
liberty. He's on his way.

11
00:03:58.237 --> 00:04:00.489
CORPORAL: Make way
for Dark Helmet!

12
00:04:00.489 --> 00:04:03.450
All rise in the presence
of Dark Helmet.

13
00:04:14.712 --> 00:04:16.505
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY)

14
00:04:43.533 --> 00:04:44.783
(CHOKlNG)

15
00:04:52.375 --> 00:04:54.584
l can't breathe
in this thing.

16
00:04:55.628 --> 00:04:57.671
We're approaching
Planet Druidia, sir.

17
00:04:57.671 --> 00:04:58.922
Good.

18
00:04:58.922 --> 00:05:02.900
l'll call Spaceball City and
notify President Skroob immediately.

19
00:05:02.900 --> 00:05:04.845
l already called him, sir.
He knows everything.

20
00:05:07.223 --> 00:05:10.434
What? You went
over my helmet?

21
00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:14.146
Well, not exactly over,
sir. More to the side.

22
00:05:14.146 --> 00:05:17.774
l'll always call you first. lt'll
never happen again. Never ever!

23
00:05:19.694 --> 00:05:21.486
Oh, shit!

24
00:05:21.486 --> 00:05:24.448
No! Please!

25
00:05:24.448 --> 00:05:26.783
Please, no, not that!

26
00:05:28.578 --> 00:05:30.412
Yes, that.

27
00:05:32.248 --> 00:05:33.665
(GROANlNG)

28
00:05:40.423 --> 00:05:41.757
(SOBBlNG)

29
00:05:49.265 --> 00:05:51.141
Sandurz!
Sir.

30
00:05:51.141 --> 00:05:53.101
l don't see Planet
Druidia. Where is it?

31
00:05:53.101 --> 00:05:56.438
We don't have visual contact yet,
but we have it on the radar screen.

32
00:05:56.438 --> 00:05:57.814
Shall l punch it
up for you?

33
00:05:57.814 --> 00:05:59.316
Never mind.
l'll do it myself.

34
00:05:59.316 --> 00:06:00.692
Very good, sir.

35
00:06:04.113 --> 00:06:06.490
What's the matter? What's
that churning and bubbling?

36
00:06:06.490 --> 00:06:08.116
You call that
a radar screen?

37
00:06:08.116 --> 00:06:10.827
No, sir, we call it
Mr. Coffee.

38
00:06:11.245 --> 00:06:12.746
(MACHlNE BEEPS)
Care for some?

39
00:06:13.623 --> 00:06:17.542
Yes. l always have coffee when
l watch radar. You know that.

40
00:06:17.542 --> 00:06:19.419
Of course l do.
Everybody knows that!

41
00:06:19.419 --> 00:06:21.296
Of course we do, sir.

42
00:06:22.840 --> 00:06:26.134
Now that l have my coffee,
l'm ready to watch radar.

43
00:06:26.469 --> 00:06:28.950
Where is it?

44
00:06:28.429 --> 00:06:29.930
Right here, sir.

45
00:06:29.930 --> 00:06:31.515
Switch to teleview.

46
00:06:32.809 --> 00:06:34.684
There it is.
Planet Druidia.

47
00:06:34.684 --> 00:06:38.188
And underneath the air shield,
1 0,000 years of fresh air.

48
00:06:38.523 --> 00:06:39.981
We must get through
that air shield.

49
00:06:39.981 --> 00:06:41.108
We will, sir.

50
00:06:41.108 --> 00:06:44.569
Once we kidnap the Princess, we
can force her father, King Roland,

51
00:06:44.569 --> 00:06:46.738
to give us the combination
to the air shield,

52
00:06:46.738 --> 00:06:50.659
thereby destroying Planet Druidia
and saving Planet Spaceball.

53
00:06:51.202 --> 00:06:52.953
Everybody got that?

54
00:06:53.663 --> 00:06:55.747
Good. When will the
Princess be married?

55
00:06:55.747 --> 00:06:57.332
Within the hour, sir.

56
00:06:57.332 --> 00:06:59.709
Well, l hope
it's a long ceremony,

57
00:06:59.709 --> 00:07:02.300
'cause it's gonna be
a short honeymoon.

58
00:07:05.508 --> 00:07:06.925
(GROANlNG)

59
00:07:09.762 --> 00:07:12.550
Hot! Too hot.

60
00:07:29.310 --> 00:07:32.409
lf only your mother were
alive to see this day.

61
00:07:32.409 --> 00:07:34.411
ls everyone ready?
Yes, Your Majesty.

62
00:07:34.411 --> 00:07:36.246
No! Where's my
droid of honor?

63
00:07:36.246 --> 00:07:39.374
Oh, dear, yes.
Where's Dot? Dot?

64
00:07:40.420 --> 00:07:41.668
Dot Matrix!

65
00:07:42.440 --> 00:07:43.837
Oh, thank God,
dear!

66
00:07:44.881 --> 00:07:46.131
Where've you been?

67
00:07:46.131 --> 00:07:49.500
Here l am. l'm sorry. l
had to make a pit stop.

68
00:07:49.500 --> 00:07:51.845
l'm so excited, l
couldn't hold my oil.

69
00:07:51.845 --> 00:07:54.806
All right, people.
lt's magic time!

70
00:07:54.806 --> 00:07:57.559
All right, everyone,
starting on the left foot.

71
00:07:57.559 --> 00:07:59.144
Daddy, that's
the right foot.

72
00:07:59.144 --> 00:08:00.896
lt's too late.
Keep going.

73
00:08:05.151 --> 00:08:07.680
(WEDDlNG MARCH PLAYlNG)

74
00:08:14.577 --> 00:08:15.660
Daddy.

75
00:08:16.370 --> 00:08:17.370
(STOPS PLAYlNG ORGAN)

76
00:08:17.370 --> 00:08:18.872
Must l go through
with this?

77
00:08:18.872 --> 00:08:21.333
l'm sorry, my dear.
You have to.

78
00:08:22.835 --> 00:08:24.753
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG)

79
00:08:31.427 --> 00:08:32.427
But, Daddy,

80
00:08:32.427 --> 00:08:33.512
(GROANlNG)

81
00:08:33.512 --> 00:08:34.596
(STOPS PLAYlNG)

82
00:08:34.596 --> 00:08:36.140
l don't love him.

83
00:08:36.140 --> 00:08:39.601
l'm sorry, Vespa. He's the
last prince left in the galaxy.

84
00:08:42.563 --> 00:08:44.356
(SCATTERED MURMURlNG)

85
00:08:44.356 --> 00:08:46.316
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG)

86
00:08:50.571 --> 00:08:55.325
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here on this most joyous occasion

87
00:08:55.325 --> 00:08:59.204
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,

88
00:08:59.204 --> 00:09:02.791
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp

89
00:09:02.791 --> 00:09:04.668
and out the door!

90
00:09:04.668 --> 00:09:07.379
Stop her! Someone
stop her! Stop her!

91
00:09:08.890 --> 00:09:10.799
Hey, wait! You forgot
to get married !

92
00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:12.467
Will you stop?

93
00:09:12.969 --> 00:09:14.594
What are you doing?

94
00:09:14.594 --> 00:09:16.763
No questions, Dot.
Get in.

95
00:09:17.682 --> 00:09:19.307
(ENGlNE STARTlNG)

96
00:09:27.275 --> 00:09:29.985
What is she doing?
Where is she going?

97
00:09:34.115 --> 00:09:37.117
Come back!

98
00:09:38.770 --> 00:09:40.620
(RAlSE YOUR HANDS
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

99
00:09:57.972 --> 00:10:00.181
MAN: (SlNGlNG)
Ooh, yeah

100
00:10:06.220 --> 00:10:06.772
You

101
00:10:07.982 --> 00:10:11.276
You got
a nasty reputation

102
00:10:11.694 --> 00:10:14.946
We're in
a sticky situation

103
00:10:15.156 --> 00:10:18.199
lt's down to
me and you

104
00:10:18.618 --> 00:10:21.369
So tell me,
is it true?

105
00:10:22.288 --> 00:10:25.248
They say there ain't
nobody better

106
00:10:26.830 --> 00:10:28.100
Well, now
that we're together

107
00:10:28.100 --> 00:10:29.628
(PHONE RlNGlNG)

108
00:10:29.628 --> 00:10:32.470
Show me
what you can do

109
00:10:35.510 --> 00:10:36.259
Barf.

110
00:10:37.136 --> 00:10:38.887
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)

111
00:10:39.805 --> 00:10:40.889
Barf.

112
00:10:41.265 --> 00:10:42.849
(MUSlC BLARlNG)

113
00:10:43.590 --> 00:10:44.184
Barf.

114
00:10:44.560 --> 00:10:46.144
And playin'
to win

115
00:10:46.144 --> 00:10:47.520
Huh?

116
00:10:47.520 --> 00:10:49.522
Raise your hands...

117
00:10:49.774 --> 00:10:51.149
(REDUCES VOLUME)

118
00:10:51.149 --> 00:10:52.317
LONE STARR: Barf?

119
00:10:52.693 --> 00:10:54.569
Always when l'm eating.

120
00:10:59.784 --> 00:11:00.909
Barf!

121
00:11:01.160 --> 00:11:02.911
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)

122
00:11:03.621 --> 00:11:04.663
What can l
do you for, boss?

123
00:11:04.663 --> 00:11:05.789
Where you been?

124
00:11:05.789 --> 00:11:06.873
Grabbing myself a snack.

125
00:11:06.873 --> 00:11:08.830
You want some?
No!

126
00:11:08.830 --> 00:11:09.417
A little hair
of the dog?

127
00:11:09.417 --> 00:11:11.628
No! Listen, answer
that thing for me.

128
00:11:11.628 --> 00:11:12.671
Will you
watch that?

129
00:11:12.671 --> 00:11:13.755
Sorry.

130
00:11:13.755 --> 00:11:16.883
l'll just throw on our audio
here. That way they won't see you.

131
00:11:18.520 --> 00:11:19.260
Yello!

132
00:11:19.260 --> 00:11:21.596
Hello, Lone Starr.

133
00:11:21.596 --> 00:11:23.223
Sorry, wrong switch.

134
00:11:23.223 --> 00:11:25.642
Hello, Vinnie.
What do you want?

135
00:11:25.642 --> 00:11:28.937
No, it's not what l want.

136
00:11:29.522 --> 00:11:31.940
lt's what he wants.

137
00:11:33.109 --> 00:11:34.442
(LAUGHlNG)

138
00:11:35.277 --> 00:11:36.695
BARF AND LONE STARR:
Pizza the Hutt.

139
00:11:36.695 --> 00:11:37.821
(BURPlNG)

140
00:11:37.821 --> 00:11:40.990
Well, if it isn't
Lone Starr

141
00:11:40.990 --> 00:11:43.618
and his sidekick, Puke.

142
00:11:44.453 --> 00:11:45.578
That's Barf.

143
00:11:45.578 --> 00:11:48.810
Barf, Puke, whatever.

144
00:11:48.999 --> 00:11:50.458
Where's my money?

145
00:11:50.458 --> 00:11:53.860
Don't worry, Pizza. You'll
have it by next week.

146
00:11:53.860 --> 00:11:56.131
No. l gotta have it
by tomorrow.

147
00:11:56.465 --> 00:11:59.509
1 00,000 space bucks?
By tomorrow?

148
00:11:59.719 --> 00:12:03.304
1 00,000? No way!

149
00:12:03.764 --> 00:12:05.390
You forgot late charges

150
00:12:05.390 --> 00:12:09.644
which brings it up to
1 million space bucks!

151
00:12:09.644 --> 00:12:12.647
A million?
That's unfair!

152
00:12:13.149 --> 00:12:15.150
Unfair to the payer,

153
00:12:15.609 --> 00:12:17.694
but not to the payee.

154
00:12:17.694 --> 00:12:19.195
(LAUGHlNG)

155
00:12:20.364 --> 00:12:23.950
But you're gonna
pay it or else. . .

156
00:12:24.285 --> 00:12:25.285
(PlZZA LAUGHlNG)

157
00:12:25.285 --> 00:12:26.870
Or else what?

158
00:12:26.870 --> 00:12:28.621
Tell him, Vinnie.

159
00:12:31.410 --> 00:12:35.962
Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.

160
00:12:36.630 --> 00:12:38.757
(PlZZA AND VlNNlE LAUGHlNG)

161
00:12:42.970 --> 00:12:44.596
You're delicious.

162
00:12:44.596 --> 00:12:45.764
Ciao, boys.

163
00:12:46.980 --> 00:12:47.682
(PlZZA COUGHlNG)

164
00:12:51.187 --> 00:12:53.229
(HEARTSTRlNGS
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

165
00:12:53.229 --> 00:12:55.398
WOMAN: (SlNGlNG)
l slept in your arms

166
00:12:55.398 --> 00:12:59.986
Content to go on dreaming

167
00:13:01.197 --> 00:13:04.866
A nightmare
too real to imagine

168
00:13:05.367 --> 00:13:08.328
Losing you

169
00:13:10.956 --> 00:13:12.332
Can we talk?

170
00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:15.835
Okay. We all know
Prince Valium is a pill,

171
00:13:15.835 --> 00:13:18.338
but you could've married
him for your father's sake

172
00:13:18.338 --> 00:13:21.382
and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.

173
00:13:21.382 --> 00:13:23.468
l love you more each day

174
00:13:23.468 --> 00:13:25.804
Will you turn
that thing off?

175
00:13:25.804 --> 00:13:28.848
Play on my heartstrings...

176
00:13:28.848 --> 00:13:30.580
What?

177
00:13:31.180 --> 00:13:32.393
What is it?

178
00:13:32.686 --> 00:13:36.314
l was saying, do you
realize what you've done?

179
00:13:36.314 --> 00:13:38.691
Yes! And l'm glad.

180
00:13:38.901 --> 00:13:40.151
Glad.

181
00:13:43.739 --> 00:13:45.323
l wonder
if she's glad.

182
00:13:53.749 --> 00:13:55.166
Don't be ridiculous.

183
00:13:55.166 --> 00:13:57.752
As president
of Planet Spaceball,

184
00:13:57.752 --> 00:13:59.838
l can assure
both you and your viewers

185
00:14:00.890 --> 00:14:03.633
that there's absolutely
no air shortage whatsoever.

186
00:14:03.843 --> 00:14:07.530
Yes, of course. l've heard
the same rumor myself.

187
00:14:07.346 --> 00:14:10.139
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.

188
00:14:10.139 --> 00:14:11.474
Yes, bye.

189
00:14:12.560 --> 00:14:13.810
Shithead.

190
00:14:20.442 --> 00:14:21.860
(AlR HlSSlNG)

191
00:14:21.860 --> 00:14:23.278
(lNHALlNG)

192
00:14:30.350 --> 00:14:31.661
President Skroob.

193
00:14:32.621 --> 00:14:33.746
Yes?

194
00:14:33.746 --> 00:14:35.164
This is Central Control.

195
00:14:35.164 --> 00:14:37.542
Spaceball Commanderette
Zircon speaking, sir.

196
00:14:37.542 --> 00:14:39.430
Yes, what is it,
Commanderette?

197
00:14:39.430 --> 00:14:42.672
Lord Helmet has just notified us
that Princess Vespa is in sight

198
00:14:42.672 --> 00:14:44.757
and Spaceball One
is closing in on her.

199
00:14:44.757 --> 00:14:46.920
Good.

200
00:14:46.920 --> 00:14:50.263
We have both ships coming up on the
teledar, sir, if you wish to observe.

201
00:14:50.263 --> 00:14:51.723
l'll be down immediately.

202
00:14:51.723 --> 00:14:54.517
Should l have Snotty
beam you down, sir?

203
00:14:55.190 --> 00:14:57.812
l don't know about that
beaming stuff. ls it safe?

204
00:14:58.630 --> 00:15:01.149
Oh, yes, sir. Snotty
beamed me twice last night.

205
00:15:01.817 --> 00:15:03.443
lt was wonderful.

206
00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:05.904
All right.
l'll take a shot at it.

207
00:15:05.904 --> 00:15:08.281
What the hell,
it works on Star Trek.

208
00:15:12.745 --> 00:15:13.995
Snotty,

209
00:15:14.538 --> 00:15:15.580
beam him down.

210
00:15:15.580 --> 00:15:16.789
SNOTTY: Yes, sir.
lmmediately, sir.

211
00:15:26.800 --> 00:15:27.842
(ALL MURMURlNG)

212
00:15:30.930 --> 00:15:33.556
SNOTTY: Great beasties!
What's happened to his head?

213
00:15:33.556 --> 00:15:35.308
lt's on backwards!

214
00:15:35.308 --> 00:15:37.769
This is terrible!
Do something !

215
00:15:37.769 --> 00:15:42.230
l'm sorry, sir. There must have
been a micro-converter malfunction.

216
00:15:43.692 --> 00:15:46.444
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?

217
00:15:46.444 --> 00:15:48.321
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

218
00:15:49.198 --> 00:15:51.866
Hold on, sir. We'll try
to reverse the beam.

219
00:15:52.409 --> 00:15:54.953
SNOTTY: lt could be
the interlocking system.

220
00:15:58.624 --> 00:16:02.251
Lock one. Lock two.
Lock three. Loch Lomond !

221
00:16:10.177 --> 00:16:11.386
(SlGHS)

222
00:16:13.347 --> 00:16:15.640
Are you all right,
Mr. President?

223
00:16:15.640 --> 00:16:17.809
Fine.
No thanks to you !

224
00:16:17.809 --> 00:16:19.394
We'll beam you back, sir.

225
00:16:19.394 --> 00:16:21.896
Forget it.
No more beaming.

226
00:16:21.896 --> 00:16:23.731
This time l'm gonna walk.

227
00:16:27.569 --> 00:16:29.487
President Skroob!
Salute!

228
00:16:30.300 --> 00:16:31.489
Hail, Skroob!

229
00:16:33.367 --> 00:16:36.770
Hello, President Skroob.

230
00:16:37.413 --> 00:16:38.621
Hello, Charlene.

231
00:16:38.621 --> 00:16:39.831
l'm Marlene.

232
00:16:39.831 --> 00:16:40.999
Hello, Marlene.

233
00:16:40.999 --> 00:16:42.375
l'm Charlene.

234
00:16:42.835 --> 00:16:44.335
Chew your gum.

235
00:16:44.962 --> 00:16:46.400
Where's the Princess?

236
00:16:46.400 --> 00:16:48.631
Right there, sir, on the
left side of the screen

237
00:16:48.631 --> 00:16:52.427
approaching SpacebaII One at 1
,500 light leagues per minute.

238
00:16:52.678 --> 00:16:55.960
Good. She's almost
in our grasp.

239
00:16:55.431 --> 00:16:58.266
Tell Dark Helmet he must
take the Princess alive.

240
00:17:05.941 --> 00:17:08.443
Princess Vespa's spaceship
within range, sir.

241
00:17:08.443 --> 00:17:09.610
Good.

242
00:17:09.862 --> 00:17:13.114
Fire a warning shot
across her nose.

243
00:17:13.323 --> 00:17:15.740
(LASER SHOTS FlRlNG)

244
00:17:15.784 --> 00:17:16.993
What's going on?

245
00:17:16.993 --> 00:17:18.786
lt's either
the Fourth of July,

246
00:17:18.786 --> 00:17:20.705
or someone's
trying to kill us!

247
00:17:24.168 --> 00:17:25.209
Hey!

248
00:17:25.209 --> 00:17:28.129
l don't have to put up
with this. l'm rich.

249
00:17:29.673 --> 00:17:31.490
What are you doing?

250
00:17:31.490 --> 00:17:32.467
l'm calling my father.

251
00:17:33.520 --> 00:17:35.928
1 -800-Druidia.

252
00:17:38.724 --> 00:17:41.768
Careful, you idiot! l said
across her nose, not up it!

253
00:17:43.228 --> 00:17:45.229
Sorry, sir.
l'm doing my best.

254
00:17:46.231 --> 00:17:47.565
Who made
that man a gunner?

255
00:17:47.565 --> 00:17:49.670
l did, sir.

256
00:17:49.670 --> 00:17:50.651
He's my cousin.

257
00:17:51.111 --> 00:17:52.987
Who is he?
He's an Asshole, sir.

258
00:17:53.322 --> 00:17:55.114
l know that.
What's his name?

259
00:17:55.114 --> 00:17:56.199
That is his name, sir.

260
00:17:56.199 --> 00:17:57.950
Asshole.
Major Asshole.

261
00:17:57.950 --> 00:17:59.994
And his cousin?
He's an Asshole, too, sir.

262
00:17:59.994 --> 00:18:02.330
Gunner's Mate, First
Class, Phillip Asshole.

263
00:18:02.330 --> 00:18:04.874
How many Assholes we
got on this ship anyhow?

264
00:18:04.874 --> 00:18:05.958
ALL: Yo!

265
00:18:09.338 --> 00:18:12.600
l knew it. l'm
surrounded by assholes.

266
00:18:13.675 --> 00:18:15.593
Keep firing, assholes!

267
00:18:17.554 --> 00:18:19.970
Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!

268
00:18:19.640 --> 00:18:23.559
There are laser blasts
all around us! l'm scared.

269
00:18:25.187 --> 00:18:28.648
ON RADlO:
King Roland to Lone Starr.

270
00:18:28.648 --> 00:18:29.982
Are you there?

271
00:18:30.442 --> 00:18:33.486
Lone Starr, you've got to help
me. Please save my daughter.

272
00:18:33.486 --> 00:18:35.738
She's being attacked
by Spaceballs!

273
00:18:35.738 --> 00:18:38.740
Spaceballs? Forget
it. Too dangerous.

274
00:18:38.740 --> 00:18:41.828
Besides, l'm already numero
uno on Dark Helmet's hit list.

275
00:18:41.828 --> 00:18:45.123
Look, Your Highness, it's not
that we're afraid. Far from it.

276
00:18:45.123 --> 00:18:48.459
lt's just that we got this
thing about death. lt's not us.

277
00:18:48.459 --> 00:18:49.502
Please, you must!

278
00:18:49.502 --> 00:18:52.547
You're the only ones that can
save her! l'll give you anything !

279
00:18:52.547 --> 00:18:54.674
Did you hear me?
Anything.

280
00:18:55.300 --> 00:18:56.300
Anything?

281
00:18:56.300 --> 00:18:57.510
Yes, anything.

282
00:18:59.120 --> 00:19:02.348
Okay. We'll do it
for a million.

283
00:19:02.348 --> 00:19:03.474
A million?

284
00:19:03.474 --> 00:19:06.477
You're starting to fade here. We're
losing picture, Your Highness.

285
00:19:06.477 --> 00:19:09.647
All right, l'll pay it.
Only find her, save her.

286
00:19:09.647 --> 00:19:11.816
All right, King.
You just made a deal.

287
00:19:11.816 --> 00:19:14.318
One princess for
1 million space bucks.

288
00:19:14.318 --> 00:19:15.486
What's she driving?

289
00:19:15.486 --> 00:19:17.321
A brand-new white Mercedes

290
00:19:17.321 --> 00:19:19.615
2001 SEL limited edition.

291
00:19:19.615 --> 00:19:21.492
Moon roof,
all-leather interior.

292
00:19:21.492 --> 00:19:24.360
l got it at a very
good price. l paid cash.

293
00:19:24.360 --> 00:19:26.664
My cousin, Prince Murray, has
a dealership in the valley.

294
00:19:26.664 --> 00:19:27.874
He was very nice to me.

295
00:19:27.874 --> 00:19:29.000
We get the idea.

296
00:19:29.000 --> 00:19:30.334
Where was
she last seen?

297
00:19:30.334 --> 00:19:32.336
She was just passing
Jupiter Two.

298
00:19:32.336 --> 00:19:33.504
We'll find her.

299
00:19:33.504 --> 00:19:35.840
Please bring her back safely.

300
00:19:36.842 --> 00:19:39.969
And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car.

301
00:19:42.140 --> 00:19:45.349
1 million space bucks! We'll be
able to pay off Pizza the Hutt!

302
00:19:45.349 --> 00:19:46.601
Give me paw!

303
00:19:46.601 --> 00:19:48.186
(BOTH HOWLlNG)

304
00:19:53.609 --> 00:19:55.260
What's happening?

305
00:19:56.862 --> 00:19:58.487
What's that glow?

306
00:19:58.906 --> 00:20:00.198
We're not moving.

307
00:20:00.198 --> 00:20:02.200
We're moving,
all right.

308
00:20:02.451 --> 00:20:03.784
Backwards.

309
00:20:08.874 --> 00:20:11.420
Look, there's our princess.
She's got company.

310
00:20:11.420 --> 00:20:13.440
Oh, no.
Spaceballs!

311
00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:15.421
And they've already got
her in their magnetic beam.

312
00:20:15.421 --> 00:20:17.480
We're too late.
What a shame.

313
00:20:17.480 --> 00:20:19.342
l'll throw her in reverse.
We'll get out of here.

314
00:20:19.342 --> 00:20:20.760
No! Bad.

315
00:20:20.760 --> 00:20:23.763
What are we doing risking our
lives for a runaway princess?

316
00:20:23.763 --> 00:20:25.723
l know we need the
money, but. . . Listen,

317
00:20:25.723 --> 00:20:28.309
we're not just
doing this for money.

318
00:20:30.479 --> 00:20:33.147
We're doing it
for a shitload of money.

319
00:20:33.482 --> 00:20:34.774
You're right.

320
00:20:34.774 --> 00:20:38.690
And when you're right, you're
right. And you, you're always right.

321
00:20:38.690 --> 00:20:39.946
Okay, we save her.
But how?

322
00:20:39.946 --> 00:20:42.740
The minute we move in there, they're
gonna spot us on their radar.

323
00:20:42.740 --> 00:20:45.340
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

324
00:20:45.340 --> 00:20:46.744
Not if we jam it.

325
00:20:46.744 --> 00:20:47.870
Aha!

326
00:20:47.870 --> 00:20:48.996
You're right.

327
00:20:48.996 --> 00:20:50.915
Down scope.
Down scope.

328
00:20:57.297 --> 00:21:01.509
Radar about to be jammed.

329
00:21:09.590 --> 00:21:10.309
(BEEPS)

330
00:21:11.895 --> 00:21:13.396
(BUZZlNG)

331
00:21:25.867 --> 00:21:26.993
Shit.

332
00:21:28.370 --> 00:21:29.704
(CLANKlNG)

333
00:21:33.375 --> 00:21:35.293
ON PA: Sir.
What is it?

334
00:21:35.293 --> 00:21:38.337
Can l talk to you for
a minute, please, sir?

335
00:21:41.883 --> 00:21:42.967
Well?

336
00:21:42.967 --> 00:21:44.510
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

337
00:21:44.510 --> 00:21:46.971
You don't need that, Private.
We're right here. What is it?

338
00:21:46.971 --> 00:21:49.265
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

339
00:21:49.265 --> 00:21:50.349
Now what is it?

340
00:21:50.349 --> 00:21:51.809
l'm having trouble
with the radar.

341
00:21:51.809 --> 00:21:52.852
What's wrong?

342
00:21:52.852 --> 00:21:54.979
l've lost the bleeps, the
sweeps, and the creeps.

343
00:21:54.979 --> 00:21:56.272
The what?
And the what?

344
00:21:56.272 --> 00:21:57.732
You know. The bleeps.

345
00:21:57.732 --> 00:21:59.317
(BLEEPlNG)

346
00:22:00.819 --> 00:22:01.986
The sweeps.

347
00:22:01.986 --> 00:22:03.446
(GURGLlNG)

348
00:22:04.448 --> 00:22:05.823
And the creeps.

349
00:22:05.823 --> 00:22:07.283
(SQUEAKlNG)

350
00:22:07.701 --> 00:22:09.410
That's not
all he's lost.

351
00:22:09.786 --> 00:22:11.787
Sir.
The radar, sir.

352
00:22:11.787 --> 00:22:13.622
lt appears to be

353
00:22:14.416 --> 00:22:15.624
jammed.

354
00:22:17.252 --> 00:22:18.419
Jammed.

355
00:22:22.382 --> 00:22:23.716
Raspberry.

356
00:22:25.552 --> 00:22:30.139
Well, there's only one man who
would dare give me the raspberry.

357
00:22:31.141 --> 00:22:33.267
Lone Starr!

358
00:22:33.643 --> 00:22:35.102
(CLATTERlNG)

359
00:23:01.400 --> 00:23:02.460
What was that?

360
00:23:02.460 --> 00:23:03.130
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

361
00:23:03.130 --> 00:23:05.216
Never mind that.
What was that?

362
00:23:06.134 --> 00:23:07.134
(GASPS)

363
00:23:07.344 --> 00:23:08.344
Hi.

364
00:23:08.804 --> 00:23:10.513
Who are you?
Barf.

365
00:23:11.980 --> 00:23:13.474
Not in here, mister.
This is a Mercedes.

366
00:23:13.474 --> 00:23:15.726
No, that's
my name. Barf.

367
00:23:15.726 --> 00:23:16.894
Barf?

368
00:23:16.894 --> 00:23:18.312
What are you?

369
00:23:18.522 --> 00:23:20.856
l'm a Mawg:
half man, half dog.

370
00:23:21.316 --> 00:23:23.192
l'm my own best friend.

371
00:23:23.192 --> 00:23:24.568
What do you want?

372
00:23:24.568 --> 00:23:27.710
Your father hired Captain
Lone Starr and me to save you.

373
00:23:27.710 --> 00:23:29.310
We got to hop up
this ladder and get out.

374
00:23:29.310 --> 00:23:31.242
Good. Quick. Hurry,
darling. Follow the dog.

375
00:23:31.242 --> 00:23:32.827
Mawg. l'm a Mawg.

376
00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:35.663
Wait. What about
my matched luggage?

377
00:23:35.663 --> 00:23:37.164
(WHlMPERlNG)

378
00:23:41.670 --> 00:23:43.295
DOT: Stop looking
up my can.

379
00:23:43.295 --> 00:23:44.547
Sorry.

380
00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:57.476
Checking in? What
the hell is all that?

381
00:23:59.688 --> 00:24:02.231
lt's Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage!

382
00:24:02.231 --> 00:24:03.357
LONE STARR: What?

383
00:24:03.984 --> 00:24:06.569
Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage.

384
00:24:07.487 --> 00:24:08.946
Matched luggage, huh?

385
00:24:08.946 --> 00:24:11.615
What's she think this is,
a Princess Cruise?

386
00:24:12.242 --> 00:24:13.993
Well, she wouldn't
go without it.

387
00:24:13.993 --> 00:24:15.369
Oh, yeah?

388
00:24:15.954 --> 00:24:17.204
(GRUNTS)

389
00:24:19.458 --> 00:24:20.583
Now hear this.

390
00:24:20.583 --> 00:24:23.461
The minute we get out of
here, the first thing we do is

391
00:24:23.461 --> 00:24:25.546
dump the matched luggage.

392
00:24:26.256 --> 00:24:27.715
Who is that?

393
00:24:28.884 --> 00:24:31.594
Now you hear this,
whoever you are.

394
00:24:32.530 --> 00:24:34.346
You will not touch
that luggage.

395
00:24:34.346 --> 00:24:37.308
And furthermore, l want
this pigsty cleaned up.

396
00:24:37.308 --> 00:24:40.190
l will not be rescued
in such filth.

397
00:24:40.645 --> 00:24:44.356
Listen. On this ship, l don't
take orders, l give them.

398
00:24:44.356 --> 00:24:46.859
This is my dreamboat,
sweetheart.

399
00:24:47.152 --> 00:24:48.527
Sweetheart?

400
00:24:48.527 --> 00:24:49.778
Oh-oh.

401
00:24:50.906 --> 00:24:53.157
How dare you
speak to me that way?

402
00:24:53.157 --> 00:24:56.577
You will address me in the proper
manner as Your Royal Highness.

403
00:24:56.577 --> 00:24:58.537
l am Princess Vespa,

404
00:24:58.747 --> 00:25:01.957
daughter of Roland,
King of the Druids.

405
00:25:04.669 --> 00:25:06.462
That's all we needed.

406
00:25:06.462 --> 00:25:09.215
A Druish princess.

407
00:25:11.801 --> 00:25:14.136
Funny.
She doesn't look Druish.

408
00:25:50.882 --> 00:25:54.301
Now we will show her who
is in charge of this galaxy.

409
00:25:55.554 --> 00:25:59.980
Hold it. l'll handle
this personally.

410
00:26:00.600 --> 00:26:02.351
Jawohl,
Lord Helmet!

411
00:26:05.772 --> 00:26:08.650
So, Princess Vespa,

412
00:26:08.650 --> 00:26:11.986
you thought you could outwit the
imperious forces of Planet Spaceball.

413
00:26:12.362 --> 00:26:14.290
Well, you were wrong.

414
00:26:14.447 --> 00:26:16.282
You are now our prisoner.

415
00:26:16.282 --> 00:26:19.285
And you will be held
hostage until such time

416
00:26:19.285 --> 00:26:22.871
as all of the air is
transferred from your planet

417
00:26:23.164 --> 00:26:24.915
to ours.

418
00:26:33.633 --> 00:26:35.920
She's not in there.

419
00:26:36.553 --> 00:26:37.761
CORPORAL ON PA:
Radar repaired, sir.

420
00:26:37.761 --> 00:26:40.931
We're picking up the outline
of a Winnebago.

421
00:26:41.600 --> 00:26:42.933
Winnebago?

422
00:26:43.518 --> 00:26:44.977
Lone Starr.

423
00:26:54.154 --> 00:26:56.300
Here comes
the Badyear blimp.

424
00:26:56.865 --> 00:26:58.407
We'd better get out
of here in a hurry.

425
00:26:58.407 --> 00:27:00.200
Switch to
secret hyper-jets.

426
00:27:00.200 --> 00:27:02.360
Switching to
secret hyper-jets.

427
00:27:02.360 --> 00:27:05.539
Buckle up back there, we're
going into hyperactive.

428
00:27:13.173 --> 00:27:14.506
We're closing in
on them, sir.

429
00:27:14.506 --> 00:27:16.884
ln less than a minute,
Lone Starr will be ours.

430
00:27:16.884 --> 00:27:19.637
Good.
Prepare to attack.

431
00:27:19.637 --> 00:27:21.550
Prepare to attack.

432
00:27:21.550 --> 00:27:23.980
On the count of three.

433
00:27:23.475 --> 00:27:24.600
One,

434
00:27:25.226 --> 00:27:26.393
two,

435
00:27:27.395 --> 00:27:28.479
late!

436
00:27:28.479 --> 00:27:29.730
What happened?
Where are they?

437
00:27:29.730 --> 00:27:31.230
l don't know, sir.

438
00:27:31.230 --> 00:27:32.691
They must have
hyper-jets on that thing.

439
00:27:32.691 --> 00:27:34.902
And what have we got on
this thing, a Cuisinart?

440
00:27:34.902 --> 00:27:35.986
No, sir.

441
00:27:35.986 --> 00:27:37.196
Well, find them,
catch them !

442
00:27:37.196 --> 00:27:38.280
Yes, sir.

443
00:27:38.280 --> 00:27:40.740
ON PA: Prepare ship
for light speed.

444
00:27:40.740 --> 00:27:41.659
No, light speed
is too slow.

445
00:27:41.659 --> 00:27:42.826
Light speed too slow?

446
00:27:42.826 --> 00:27:45.746
Yes. We're gonna have to
go right to ludicrous speed.

447
00:27:45.746 --> 00:27:46.997
(ALL GASPlNG)

448
00:27:46.997 --> 00:27:48.207
Ludicrous speed?

449
00:27:48.207 --> 00:27:51.377
We've never gone that fast. l don't
know if this ship can take it.

450
00:27:51.377 --> 00:27:53.337
What's the matter,
Colonel Sandurz?

451
00:27:53.337 --> 00:27:54.630
Chicken?

452
00:27:56.299 --> 00:27:57.758
Prepare ship.

453
00:27:58.468 --> 00:28:00.928
Prepare ship for
ludicrous speed.

454
00:28:01.262 --> 00:28:02.846
Fasten all seat belts.

455
00:28:02.846 --> 00:28:04.723
Seal all entrances
and exits.

456
00:28:04.723 --> 00:28:06.517
Close all shops
in the mall.

457
00:28:06.517 --> 00:28:08.519
Cancel the
three-ring circus.

458
00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:10.200
Secure all animals
in the zoo...

459
00:28:10.200 --> 00:28:12.815
Give me that, you petty
excuse for an officer.

460
00:28:12.815 --> 00:28:13.899
(ALARM BUZZlNG)

461
00:28:13.899 --> 00:28:15.484
DARK HELMET:
Now hear this.

462
00:28:15.902 --> 00:28:17.361
Ludicrous speed!

463
00:28:17.361 --> 00:28:18.696
Sir, hadn't you
better buckle up?

464
00:28:18.696 --> 00:28:20.364
Buckle this.

465
00:28:20.364 --> 00:28:23.750
Ludicrous speed! Go!

466
00:28:26.871 --> 00:28:28.288
(EXCLAlMlNG)

467
00:28:29.582 --> 00:28:30.958
(SCREAMlNG)

468
00:28:43.471 --> 00:28:45.389
(DARK HELMET SCREAMlNG)

469
00:28:46.150 --> 00:28:47.808
DARK HELMET:
What have l done?

470
00:28:50.190 --> 00:28:54.640
My brains are going
into my feet.

471
00:29:05.702 --> 00:29:07.786
What the hell
was that?

472
00:29:08.371 --> 00:29:09.872
Spaceball One.

473
00:29:11.332 --> 00:29:13.167
They've gone to plaid.

474
00:29:14.961 --> 00:29:19.173
We passed them.
Stop this thing.

475
00:29:19.173 --> 00:29:21.800
We can't stop.
lt's too dangerous.

476
00:29:21.800 --> 00:29:24.219
We've got to
slow down first.

477
00:29:25.138 --> 00:29:28.474
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing !

478
00:29:28.474 --> 00:29:32.186
l order you. Stop!

479
00:29:41.446 --> 00:29:42.821
(SCREAMlNG)

480
00:29:47.494 --> 00:29:49.787
Here, sir. Here.
Let me help you, sir.

481
00:29:52.248 --> 00:29:53.415
Are you
all right, sir?

482
00:29:53.415 --> 00:29:55.667
Fine.
How have you been?

483
00:29:55.667 --> 00:29:56.752
Fine, sir.

484
00:29:56.752 --> 00:29:57.836
Good.

485
00:29:57.836 --> 00:29:59.296
Good thing you were
wearing that helmet.

486
00:29:59.296 --> 00:30:00.422
Yeah.

487
00:30:00.422 --> 00:30:02.900
What shall
we do now, sir?

488
00:30:02.900 --> 00:30:04.259
Well, are we stopped?

489
00:30:04.259 --> 00:30:05.469
We're stopped, sir.

490
00:30:05.469 --> 00:30:06.595
Good.

491
00:30:07.472 --> 00:30:09.640
Why don't we take
a five-minute break?

492
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:11.266
Very good, sir.

493
00:30:11.893 --> 00:30:13.727
Smoke if
you got them.

494
00:30:16.815 --> 00:30:18.148
Take her out of
hyperactive.

495
00:30:18.148 --> 00:30:20.192
Taking her out
of hyperactive.

496
00:30:21.903 --> 00:30:22.945
(SlGHS)

497
00:30:22.945 --> 00:30:24.655
Congrats, boss.
We did it.

498
00:30:24.655 --> 00:30:26.824
They must have overshot
us by a week-and-a-half.

499
00:30:26.824 --> 00:30:28.325
Okay. Let's set
a course for Druidia.

500
00:30:28.325 --> 00:30:29.451
Setting a course
for. . .

501
00:30:29.451 --> 00:30:30.494
(ALARM BEEPlNG)

502
00:30:30.494 --> 00:30:31.662
What's that?

503
00:30:31.662 --> 00:30:33.747
l don't know.
We're losing power!

504
00:30:33.747 --> 00:30:35.374
Why?
'Cause we're out of gas!

505
00:30:35.374 --> 00:30:37.000
Must have burned it
up in hyperactive.

506
00:30:37.000 --> 00:30:39.503
We should have put more
than five bucks' worth in !

507
00:30:39.503 --> 00:30:41.380
Okay. We'll have to
set her down.

508
00:30:41.380 --> 00:30:43.340
Prepare for
an emergency landing.

509
00:30:43.340 --> 00:30:44.591
Quick, give me
a reading !

510
00:30:44.591 --> 00:30:47.100
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name. . .

511
00:30:47.100 --> 00:30:48.846
Will you stop that?

512
00:30:48.846 --> 00:30:50.764
Keep your seat belts
fastened back there.

513
00:30:50.764 --> 00:30:52.150
You okay, Princess?

514
00:30:52.150 --> 00:30:53.475
(SCREAMlNG)

515
00:30:54.143 --> 00:30:57.354
No, you idiot! Where'd
you learn how to fly?

516
00:30:57.354 --> 00:30:59.773
Okay.
EagIe 5 coming in.

517
00:31:06.197 --> 00:31:07.614
(WHlMPERlNG)

518
00:31:20.628 --> 00:31:22.838
BARF: Left! Go left!
Right! l mean right!

519
00:31:23.131 --> 00:31:24.298
Pull up!

520
00:31:26.843 --> 00:31:28.260
(WHlMPERlNG)

521
00:31:35.602 --> 00:31:36.810
Where're you going?

522
00:31:36.810 --> 00:31:39.813
l am going to tell him
off once and for all.

523
00:31:40.648 --> 00:31:43.901
Wait. We'll need him
to get us out of here.

524
00:31:43.901 --> 00:31:45.694
Called me an idiot?

525
00:31:45.694 --> 00:31:48.739
l'm going back there and
explain a few things to her.

526
00:31:48.739 --> 00:31:52.159
Besides, he's got a sexy
voice. He might be cute.

527
00:31:53.286 --> 00:31:54.578
You haven't seen her.

528
00:31:54.578 --> 00:31:55.829
l know what
she looks like.

529
00:31:55.829 --> 00:31:57.664
You've seen one,
you've seen them all.

530
00:31:57.664 --> 00:32:00.959
Cute? l know these space
bums, they're all alike.

531
00:32:01.252 --> 00:32:02.419
Fat, ugly. . .

532
00:32:02.419 --> 00:32:03.754
Buck-toothed,
knock-kneed. . .

533
00:32:03.754 --> 00:32:05.464
Beer-swilling pigs!

534
00:32:05.464 --> 00:32:07.700
Horse-faced space dogs!

535
00:32:07.700 --> 00:32:08.910
Yeah, well, normally. . .

536
00:32:08.910 --> 00:32:09.176
(RlPPlNG)

537
00:32:09.176 --> 00:32:10.844
That's gonna leave a mark.

538
00:32:10.844 --> 00:32:12.679
Now listen, you. . .

539
00:32:14.390 --> 00:32:15.390
You listen.

540
00:32:15.390 --> 00:32:19.519
On this ship, you're to refer to
me as "idiot," not "you Captain."

541
00:32:20.210 --> 00:32:21.730
l mean. . . You know
what l mean.

542
00:32:21.730 --> 00:32:23.815
And you will not
call me "you."

543
00:32:23.815 --> 00:32:26.680
You will never
address me as "you."

544
00:32:26.680 --> 00:32:28.862
You will call me
"Your Royal Highness"!

545
00:32:29.197 --> 00:32:31.698
You are a royal
pain in the. . .

546
00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:33.450
Hold it. Time!
BOTH: What?

547
00:32:33.450 --> 00:32:35.202
May l make
a small suggestion?

548
00:32:35.202 --> 00:32:37.996
Any minute now, the Spaceballs
will make a major U-turn,

549
00:32:37.996 --> 00:32:40.457
head back this way,
and make us all dead.

550
00:32:40.457 --> 00:32:42.250
He's right. Let's go.

551
00:32:42.250 --> 00:32:43.919
Wait. My things.

552
00:32:44.629 --> 00:32:46.171
Now listen,
you royal. . .

553
00:32:46.171 --> 00:32:47.339
(WHlMPERS)

554
00:32:47.339 --> 00:32:48.799
Highness.

555
00:32:48.799 --> 00:32:52.100
Take only what
you need to survive.

556
00:32:52.553 --> 00:32:53.804
(GROWLS)

557
00:33:12.782 --> 00:33:16.660
DOT: Please slow down. l'm
getting sand up my gears.

558
00:33:19.747 --> 00:33:22.582
Gee, l hope she
didn't forget anything.

559
00:33:27.422 --> 00:33:30.382
All right, wait a minute,
Barf. Put it down.

560
00:33:31.843 --> 00:33:34.940
What the hell's
in this thing?

561
00:33:38.766 --> 00:33:39.766
What's this?

562
00:33:40.393 --> 00:33:43.270
l said, take only what
you need to survive.

563
00:33:43.270 --> 00:33:45.731
My industrial-strength
hair dryer.

564
00:33:46.240 --> 00:33:48.275
And l can't
live without it!

565
00:33:49.736 --> 00:33:51.903
Okay, Princess,
that's it.

566
00:33:52.405 --> 00:33:54.310
The fairy tale is over.

567
00:33:54.574 --> 00:33:56.366
Welcome to real life.

568
00:33:56.743 --> 00:33:59.494
You want this hot air
machine, you carry it.

569
00:34:00.872 --> 00:34:01.722
You pick that up.

570
00:34:05.918 --> 00:34:08.837
How dare you,
you insolent peasant?

571
00:34:09.213 --> 00:34:11.965
Nobody talks to me
that way. Nobody!

572
00:34:12.508 --> 00:34:13.717
(ECHOlNG)
Nobody!

573
00:34:14.930 --> 00:34:16.762
Well, what have we got here?
Will you look at her?

574
00:34:16.762 --> 00:34:17.846
(BARF SHUDDERlNG)

575
00:34:17.846 --> 00:34:21.767
Those flashing eyes, those flushed
cheeks, those trembling lips.

576
00:34:21.767 --> 00:34:23.769
You know
something, Princess?

577
00:34:23.769 --> 00:34:26.146
You are ugly
when you're angry.

578
00:34:26.146 --> 00:34:27.397
Uh-oh.

579
00:34:27.397 --> 00:34:28.815
That's it.

580
00:34:28.815 --> 00:34:30.734
You and
your dog are. . .

581
00:34:30.734 --> 00:34:32.270
Please.

582
00:34:32.270 --> 00:34:34.321
Total humans,
droids, if l may?

583
00:34:34.697 --> 00:34:35.947
lt's going to be
very dark soon.

584
00:34:35.947 --> 00:34:37.991
l suggest we find a place
to camp for the night.

585
00:34:37.991 --> 00:34:39.576
Come, darling.

586
00:34:45.833 --> 00:34:47.626
LONE STARR:
See? lt's lighter.

587
00:34:47.626 --> 00:34:50.253
Oh, yeah.
This is the best.

588
00:34:51.339 --> 00:34:54.257
l could have carried
two or three of these.

589
00:34:56.219 --> 00:34:58.345
Have you
found them yet?

590
00:34:58.345 --> 00:34:59.554
No, Lord Helmet.

591
00:34:59.554 --> 00:35:01.139
They're still not
on the scanner.

592
00:35:01.139 --> 00:35:03.600
Well, keep looking
for them.

593
00:35:06.145 --> 00:35:07.521
(SLURPlNG)

594
00:35:12.318 --> 00:35:14.611
Pardon me, sir.
l have an idea.

595
00:35:15.290 --> 00:35:18.448
Corporal, get me the video
cassette of Spaceballs: The Movie.

596
00:35:18.448 --> 00:35:19.825
CORPORAL: Yes, sir.

597
00:35:23.371 --> 00:35:26.623
"The Producers, Twelve Chairs,
Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein."

598
00:35:26.623 --> 00:35:29.126
Colonel Sandurz, may l
speak with you, please?

599
00:35:29.126 --> 00:35:30.168
Yes, sir.

600
00:35:30.168 --> 00:35:32.754
How can there be a cassette
of Spaceballs: The Movie?

601
00:35:32.754 --> 00:35:34.131
We're still in the
middle of making it.

602
00:35:34.131 --> 00:35:35.298
True, sir.

603
00:35:35.298 --> 00:35:37.843
There's been a new breakthrough
in home video marketing.

604
00:35:37.843 --> 00:35:38.927
There has?

605
00:35:38.927 --> 00:35:40.637
Yes.
lnstant cassettes.

606
00:35:40.637 --> 00:35:43.849
They're out in stores
before the movie is finished.

607
00:35:43.849 --> 00:35:44.933
No.

608
00:35:44.933 --> 00:35:48.610
Here it is, sir!
Spaceballs.

609
00:35:48.646 --> 00:35:50.814
SANDURZ: Good work,
Corporal. Punch it up.

610
00:35:54.735 --> 00:35:56.820
That's much too early.
Prepare to fast-forward.

611
00:35:56.820 --> 00:35:57.988
Preparing to
fast-forward.

612
00:35:57.988 --> 00:36:00.310
Fast-forward !
Fast-forwarding, sir.

613
00:36:05.329 --> 00:36:07.539
(CHATTERlNG SQUEAKlLY)

614
00:36:10.918 --> 00:36:12.335
(EXPLOSlON)

615
00:36:18.801 --> 00:36:21.178
No, go past this.
Past this part.

616
00:36:21.178 --> 00:36:23.597
ln fact, never play
this again.

617
00:36:26.475 --> 00:36:28.180
Try here. Stop.

618
00:36:39.405 --> 00:36:40.989
What the hell
am l looking at?

619
00:36:40.989 --> 00:36:42.574
When does this happen
in the movie?

620
00:36:42.574 --> 00:36:43.700
Now.

621
00:36:43.700 --> 00:36:45.350
You're looking
at now, sir.

622
00:36:45.350 --> 00:36:47.412
Everything that happens now
is happening now.

623
00:36:47.412 --> 00:36:49.164
What happened to then?
We passed then.

624
00:36:49.164 --> 00:36:50.332
When?
Just now.

625
00:36:50.332 --> 00:36:51.541
We're at now, now.

626
00:36:51.541 --> 00:36:52.667
Go back to then.

627
00:36:52.667 --> 00:36:53.877
When?
Now.

628
00:36:53.877 --> 00:36:55.795
l can't. We missed it.
When?

629
00:36:55.795 --> 00:36:57.172
Just now.

630
00:36:57.172 --> 00:36:59.900
When will then
be now?

631
00:36:59.900 --> 00:37:00.300
Soon.

632
00:37:01.302 --> 00:37:02.469
How soon?

633
00:37:02.469 --> 00:37:04.387
CORPORAL: Sir! We've
identified their location !

634
00:37:04.387 --> 00:37:05.889
Where?
lt's the moon of Vega.

635
00:37:05.889 --> 00:37:07.766
Set a course and
prepare for our arrival.

636
00:37:07.766 --> 00:37:09.142
When?
1 900 hours, sir.

637
00:37:09.142 --> 00:37:11.519
By high noon tomorrow,
they will be our prisoners.

638
00:37:11.519 --> 00:37:12.646
Who?

639
00:37:14.148 --> 00:37:15.941
(CRlCKETS CHlRPlNG)

640
00:37:30.623 --> 00:37:32.707
No, thank you.
l'm perfectly all right.

641
00:37:32.707 --> 00:37:34.709
Take it,
it's freezing.

642
00:37:34.709 --> 00:37:36.378
lf you insist.

643
00:37:44.178 --> 00:37:45.345
Won't you be cold?

644
00:37:45.345 --> 00:37:47.639
No, cold never bothers me.

645
00:37:53.104 --> 00:37:54.104
(SlGHS)

646
00:37:54.104 --> 00:37:56.640
l can't seem
to find Druidia.

647
00:37:56.640 --> 00:37:57.691
lt's right there.

648
00:37:57.691 --> 00:37:58.942
Where?

649
00:37:58.942 --> 00:38:02.529
lt's right there. lt's that
bright blue one right there. See?

650
00:38:03.406 --> 00:38:07.534
Oh, yeah.
But it's so far away.

651
00:38:09.780 --> 00:38:11.413
Don't worry,
l'll get you there.

652
00:38:12.456 --> 00:38:13.581
Which one's yours?

653
00:38:13.581 --> 00:38:14.666
Who knows?

654
00:38:14.666 --> 00:38:16.126
You don't know
where you're from?

655
00:38:16.126 --> 00:38:19.212
Not really. l was found on
the doorstep of a monastery.

656
00:38:19.212 --> 00:38:20.964
Monastery? Where?

657
00:38:20.964 --> 00:38:23.174
Somewhere
in the Ford Galaxy.

658
00:38:23.801 --> 00:38:26.303
Well, didn't the monks tell
you who your parents were?

659
00:38:26.303 --> 00:38:29.180
They couldn't. They
took a vow of silence.

660
00:38:29.180 --> 00:38:32.580
All l got was this.
lt was around my neck.

661
00:38:32.580 --> 00:38:33.476
What is it?
l don't know.

662
00:38:33.476 --> 00:38:35.854
l've taken it to every
wise man in the universe

663
00:38:35.854 --> 00:38:38.565
and nobody could
tell me what it means.

664
00:38:39.817 --> 00:38:41.359
lt's beautiful.

665
00:38:42.820 --> 00:38:44.362
You know, l. . .

666
00:38:47.740 --> 00:38:48.616
lt's beautiful.

667
00:38:53.390 --> 00:38:55.915
So, how come you ran
away from your wedding?

668
00:38:56.959 --> 00:39:00.670
Well, if you must know, l
wasn't in love with the groom.

669
00:39:01.255 --> 00:39:03.256
Why were you
going to marry him?

670
00:39:03.256 --> 00:39:07.802
Because l'm a princess, and
l have to marry a prince.

671
00:39:08.346 --> 00:39:10.972
And he doesn't
do it for you, huh?

672
00:39:11.932 --> 00:39:14.726
No, he doesn't
do it for me.

673
00:39:16.437 --> 00:39:17.687
(SlGHS)

674
00:39:18.939 --> 00:39:20.774
l really must go back.

675
00:39:22.276 --> 00:39:24.277
l shouldn't have run away.

676
00:39:24.862 --> 00:39:28.114
l realize now that
love is one luxury

677
00:39:30.743 --> 00:39:32.285
You're probably right.

678
00:39:33.370 --> 00:39:36.831
l know now that l must
learn to live without love.

679
00:39:37.410 --> 00:39:38.458
l guess so.

680
00:39:38.458 --> 00:39:40.627
Besides, love isn't
that important.

681
00:39:40.627 --> 00:39:42.670
No, it never was.

682
00:39:42.670 --> 00:39:46.299
l could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without

683
00:39:47.468 --> 00:39:48.551
love.

684
00:39:49.136 --> 00:39:50.637
Sure you could.

685
00:39:52.723 --> 00:39:55.100
Without physical contact.

686
00:39:55.851 --> 00:39:56.976
Yeah.

687
00:39:57.645 --> 00:39:59.813
Without being held.

688
00:39:59.813 --> 00:40:01.147
Yeah.

689
00:40:02.733 --> 00:40:04.670
Or kissed.

690
00:40:07.947 --> 00:40:09.489
(ALARM BLARlNG)

691
00:40:11.742 --> 00:40:13.952
Abandon ship!

692
00:40:13.952 --> 00:40:15.662
Women and Mawgs first!

693
00:40:16.997 --> 00:40:18.957
(BLARlNG STOPS) We'll
have none of that, mister.

694
00:40:18.957 --> 00:40:21.840
How far did he get?
What did he touch?

695
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:22.627
Nothing happened !

696
00:40:22.627 --> 00:40:24.337
What the hell
was that noise?

697
00:40:24.337 --> 00:40:26.470
That was
my Virgin Alarm.

698
00:40:26.470 --> 00:40:28.633
lt's programmed to
go off before you do.

699
00:40:29.900 --> 00:40:30.760
You get back
to bed, miss.

700
00:40:30.760 --> 00:40:32.262
And as for you,
sex fiend. . .

701
00:40:32.262 --> 00:40:34.889
All right. Let's all
just get some sleep.

702
00:40:34.889 --> 00:40:36.933
We gotta get moving
before dawn.

703
00:40:36.933 --> 00:40:38.101
Why so early?

704
00:40:38.101 --> 00:40:40.610
Because we're in
the middle of the desert

705
00:40:40.610 --> 00:40:44.190
and we aren't gonna get very far
once that blazing sun gets overhead.

706
00:40:48.821 --> 00:40:50.405
BARF: Nice dissolve.

707
00:40:56.787 --> 00:40:58.204
(PANTlNG)

708
00:40:59.999 --> 00:41:00.719
Water.

709
00:41:03.711 --> 00:41:05.440
(PANTlNG)

710
00:41:08.299 --> 00:41:09.549
(GASPlNG)

711
00:41:12.553 --> 00:41:14.387
(PANTlNG) Oil.

712
00:41:16.474 --> 00:41:19.100
Room service.

713
00:41:24.899 --> 00:41:27.108
(GASPlNG)
Chief, l'm dead.

714
00:41:30.446 --> 00:41:32.363
l can't go
any further.

715
00:41:34.700 --> 00:41:36.493
Come on, Barf,
old buddy.

716
00:41:37.620 --> 00:41:38.995
Just one more
dune to go.

717
00:41:38.995 --> 00:41:40.163
No!

718
00:41:40.163 --> 00:41:43.875
You said that three dunes
ago. l got no more left.

719
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:48.296
Oh, waiter.
Check, please.

720
00:41:50.925 --> 00:41:52.245
Must go on.

721
00:41:58.974 --> 00:42:00.725
Who am l kidding?

722
00:42:14.448 --> 00:42:16.449
(ALL SCATTlNG SQUEAKlLY)

723
00:42:22.748 --> 00:42:24.332
(ALL CHATTERlNG)

724
00:42:37.471 --> 00:42:39.347
(CHATTERlNG CONTlNUES)

725
00:42:50.776 --> 00:42:52.110
(GRUNTS)

726
00:43:01.954 --> 00:43:03.454
Thanks, little guy.

727
00:43:06.830 --> 00:43:07.166
Thank you.

728
00:43:09.378 --> 00:43:11.170
Did l miss something?

729
00:43:11.714 --> 00:43:13.965
When did we get
to Disneyland?

730
00:43:15.593 --> 00:43:17.302
(DlNKS SCATTlNG)

731
00:43:31.900 --> 00:43:33.943
l don't
see them, Sandurz.

732
00:43:33.943 --> 00:43:36.446
l've sent the troops on
ahead to Vector 78, sir.

733
00:43:36.446 --> 00:43:37.614
Let's get moving.

734
00:43:37.614 --> 00:43:39.240
Yes, sir. Driver,
prepare to move out.

735
00:43:39.240 --> 00:43:41.993
What are you preparing? You're
always preparing. Just go.

736
00:43:41.993 --> 00:43:43.286
Just go.
Yes, sir.

737
00:43:43.286 --> 00:43:45.496
Sir, shouldn't
you sit down?

738
00:43:46.415 --> 00:43:47.874
(ALL CHATTERlNG)

739
00:44:03.724 --> 00:44:04.891
BARF: What're they saying?

740
00:44:04.891 --> 00:44:08.102
Well, it's obvious they
want us to go with them.

741
00:44:08.102 --> 00:44:09.896
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

742
00:44:17.571 --> 00:44:19.322
What is
this place?

743
00:44:19.322 --> 00:44:21.699
lt looks like
the Temple of Doom.

744
00:44:21.699 --> 00:44:24.410
Well, it sure ain't
Temple Beth lsrael.

745
00:44:24.410 --> 00:44:27.246
Come on. l think we'd
better follow them.

746
00:44:38.467 --> 00:44:39.467
(STATUE HlSSlNG)

747
00:44:39.467 --> 00:44:41.427
Oh-oh. l think
we woke it up.

748
00:44:42.513 --> 00:44:44.597
Goodbye, folks! Let me
know how it turns out.

749
00:44:44.597 --> 00:44:45.807
Come back
here, Dot!

750
00:44:45.807 --> 00:44:47.160
Come on. We
gotta keep going.

751
00:44:47.160 --> 00:44:48.601
We need you.

752
00:44:54.858 --> 00:44:56.776
What's gonna
happen now?

753
00:44:56.776 --> 00:44:58.528
Don't ask.
Maybe it won't.

754
00:44:58.528 --> 00:44:59.862
But what if
it does?

755
00:44:59.862 --> 00:45:02.198
l don't know about you,
but l'm all for leaving.

756
00:45:02.198 --> 00:45:04.826
l say we get out of here right
now, while the going. . .

757
00:45:04.826 --> 00:45:05.910
(ALL SCREAMlNG)

758
00:45:05.910 --> 00:45:07.245
YOGURT: Silence!

759
00:45:07.913 --> 00:45:11.374
Who dares enter the
sacred and awesome presence

760
00:45:11.374 --> 00:45:14.669
of the everlasting
know-it-all, Yogurt?

761
00:45:16.255 --> 00:45:17.505
ALL: Yogurt?

762
00:45:27.641 --> 00:45:28.808
You heard of me?

763
00:45:28.808 --> 00:45:31.811
Heard of you? Who
hasn't heard of Yogurt?

764
00:45:32.354 --> 00:45:33.855
Yogurt,
the wise.

765
00:45:34.640 --> 00:45:35.815
Yogurt,
the all-powerful.

766
00:45:35.815 --> 00:45:37.692
Yogurt,
the magnificent.

767
00:45:37.692 --> 00:45:41.529
Please, don't make a fuss.
l'm just plain Yogurt.

768
00:45:42.156 --> 00:45:43.239
But you're the one. . .

769
00:45:43.239 --> 00:45:44.365
Yes.

770
00:45:44.365 --> 00:45:47.340
l am the keeper of
a greater magic,

771
00:45:47.453 --> 00:45:50.788
a power known throughout
the universe as the. . .

772
00:45:50.788 --> 00:45:51.873
The Force?

773
00:45:51.873 --> 00:45:53.958
No. The Schwartz.

774
00:45:54.668 --> 00:45:56.627
ALL: The Schwartz!

775
00:45:57.400 --> 00:46:00.506
Yes, the Schwartz.

776
00:46:04.520 --> 00:46:07.847
But, Yogurt, what is this place?
What is it that you do here?

777
00:46:08.432 --> 00:46:09.932
Merchandising.

778
00:46:10.184 --> 00:46:11.934
Merchandising?
What's that?

779
00:46:11.934 --> 00:46:13.102
Merchandising.

780
00:46:13.102 --> 00:46:15.938
Come, l'll show you.
Open up the store.

781
00:46:15.938 --> 00:46:17.690
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

782
00:46:21.690 --> 00:46:23.821
Come! Walk this way.
Take a look.

783
00:46:23.821 --> 00:46:27.200
We put the picture's
name on everything !

784
00:46:27.534 --> 00:46:30.244
Merchandising,

785
00:46:30.244 --> 00:46:32.872
where the real money
from the movie is made.

786
00:46:33.165 --> 00:46:34.916
SpacebaIIs, The T-shirt.

787
00:46:34.916 --> 00:46:36.959
Spaceballs,
The Coloring Book.

788
00:46:36.959 --> 00:46:38.836
Spaceballs,
The Lunch Box.

789
00:46:39.460 --> 00:46:41.214
Spaceballs,
The Breakfast Cereal.

790
00:46:41.423 --> 00:46:43.800
Spaceballs,
The Flamethrower.

791
00:46:44.510 --> 00:46:46.469
The kids love this one.

792
00:46:46.887 --> 00:46:48.679
Last, but not least,

793
00:46:48.931 --> 00:46:51.224
SpacebaIIs, The Doll.
Me.

794
00:46:51.558 --> 00:46:52.558
(WlNDlNG)

795
00:46:52.558 --> 00:46:54.894
May the Schwartz
be with you.

796
00:46:55.437 --> 00:46:57.630
(DlNKS CHUCKLlNG)

797
00:46:57.630 --> 00:46:58.397
Adorable.

798
00:47:00.670 --> 00:47:02.680
WOMAN: (SlNGlNG)
Hot together

799
00:47:02.778 --> 00:47:03.778
Hot

800
00:47:03.778 --> 00:47:05.321
So hot together

801
00:47:05.321 --> 00:47:06.989
Baby, we could be hot...

802
00:47:06.989 --> 00:47:08.699
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)

803
00:47:13.997 --> 00:47:15.289
President Skroob.

804
00:47:15.289 --> 00:47:16.415
What is it?

805
00:47:16.792 --> 00:47:20.294
l have an urgent message from Lord
Helmet. He's lost the Princess.

806
00:47:20.294 --> 00:47:21.420
Where?

807
00:47:21.420 --> 00:47:22.797
Somewhere in
the sands of Vega.

808
00:47:22.797 --> 00:47:26.551
Tell them to comb the desert.
Do you hear me? Comb the desert!

809
00:47:26.927 --> 00:47:28.100
Yes, sir.

810
00:47:33.892 --> 00:47:35.434
Sir?
What?

811
00:47:37.521 --> 00:47:39.230
Are we being
too literal?

812
00:47:39.230 --> 00:47:41.230
No, you fool.
We're following orders.

813
00:47:41.230 --> 00:47:44.443
We were told to comb the
desert, so we're combing it.

814
00:47:44.778 --> 00:47:46.487
Found anything yet?

815
00:47:47.114 --> 00:47:48.906
Nothing yet, sir.

816
00:47:50.826 --> 00:47:52.869
DARK HELMET:
How about you?

817
00:47:53.370 --> 00:47:54.996
Not a thing, sir.

818
00:47:57.958 --> 00:47:59.792
What about
you guys?

819
00:48:00.210 --> 00:48:01.961
We ain't found shit!

820
00:48:05.382 --> 00:48:08.968
lt's a big mystery. None of the
wise men could tell me what it means.

821
00:48:08.968 --> 00:48:13.222
Wise men, pshaw. Wise guys,
you mean. What do they know?

822
00:48:13.222 --> 00:48:15.308
Here, let me
take a look.

823
00:48:17.978 --> 00:48:19.312
(GlBBERlNG)

824
00:48:24.526 --> 00:48:25.693
You can read it!

825
00:48:25.693 --> 00:48:27.904
No, l was just
clearing my throat.

826
00:48:27.904 --> 00:48:30.323
Here, let me
take a. . .

827
00:48:32.534 --> 00:48:35.828
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course!

828
00:48:35.828 --> 00:48:36.996
You understand it?

829
00:48:36.996 --> 00:48:38.748
Yes.
What's it say?

830
00:48:38.748 --> 00:48:43.377
l cannot tell you that now. lt shall
be revealed to you at the proper time.

831
00:48:43.670 --> 00:48:44.879
Great.

832
00:48:45.213 --> 00:48:46.797
Come on, don't be
disappointed.

833
00:48:46.797 --> 00:48:48.507
Back to your
Schwartz training.

834
00:48:48.507 --> 00:48:52.136
Here, take the ring. Point
it at that big statue.

835
00:48:52.387 --> 00:48:54.305
Okay. But l still
don't understand

836
00:48:54.305 --> 00:48:57.558
how l'm going to lift that big
statue with this little ring.

837
00:48:57.558 --> 00:49:01.854
Never underestimate the
power of the Schwartz!

838
00:49:01.854 --> 00:49:04.774
Come on, concentrate!
Here we go!

839
00:49:06.234 --> 00:49:07.693
Concentrate.

840
00:49:08.195 --> 00:49:09.528
(GRUNTlNG)

841
00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:15.910
(CONTlNUES GRUNTlNG)

842
00:49:16.828 --> 00:49:18.204
(RUMBLlNG)

843
00:49:20.874 --> 00:49:23.376
YOGURT: Lone Starr,
you're doing it!

844
00:49:25.963 --> 00:49:28.965
l can't believe it! The
Schwartz, it's working !

845
00:49:30.258 --> 00:49:33.135
Hey, boss,
how'd you do that?

846
00:49:33.135 --> 00:49:34.512
(YELPlNG)

847
00:49:37.391 --> 00:49:40.184
Give me the ring, quick.

848
00:49:40.852 --> 00:49:42.186
(CHANTlNG)

849
00:49:43.772 --> 00:49:45.231
Upsy-daisy!

850
00:49:47.526 --> 00:49:48.859
(GROANlNG)

851
00:49:50.946 --> 00:49:52.405
Sorry, Barf.

852
00:49:52.906 --> 00:49:54.240
(GRUNTlNG)

853
00:49:54.240 --> 00:49:55.658
(GROANlNG)

854
00:49:58.360 --> 00:49:59.620
Keep searching.

855
00:49:59.620 --> 00:50:00.955
(SlGHlNG)

856
00:50:01.623 --> 00:50:03.791
lt's no use, sir. We've
searched everywhere.

857
00:50:03.791 --> 00:50:04.834
Wait.

858
00:50:04.834 --> 00:50:08.870
l feel the presence
of the Schwartz.

859
00:50:08.547 --> 00:50:10.172
The Schwartz?
Yes.

860
00:50:10.674 --> 00:50:12.925
lt's coming
from somewhere

861
00:50:13.260 --> 00:50:15.636
down there.

862
00:50:18.181 --> 00:50:21.517
You're right, sir. There's
a secret entrance here.

863
00:50:21.517 --> 00:50:24.437
And look at this
insignia. lt's a "Y."

864
00:50:25.480 --> 00:50:29.316
Yogurt!
l hate yogurt!

865
00:50:29.776 --> 00:50:31.610
Even with strawberries!

866
00:50:31.610 --> 00:50:33.195
l'll call for
the attack squad, sir.

867
00:50:33.195 --> 00:50:36.730
No, we can't go in there.
Yogurt has the Schwartz.

868
00:50:36.730 --> 00:50:37.450
lt's far too powerful.

869
00:50:37.450 --> 00:50:40.202
But, sir, your ring. Don't
you have the Schwartz, too?

870
00:50:40.202 --> 00:50:42.413
He got the upside.
l got the downside.

871
00:50:42.413 --> 00:50:44.400
There's two sides
to every Schwartz.

872
00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:47.100
Then how are we gonna
go in there and get her?

873
00:50:48.253 --> 00:50:50.254
We will not
go in there.

874
00:50:50.714 --> 00:50:53.507
She will
come out to us.

875
00:51:05.395 --> 00:51:10.816
KlNG ROLAND: Vespa, my
child. Where are you?

876
00:51:11.318 --> 00:51:12.568
Daddy?

877
00:51:12.819 --> 00:51:16.822
Vespa, it's your father,
King Roland.

878
00:51:17.157 --> 00:51:18.574
Come to me.

879
00:51:18.574 --> 00:51:19.867
Daddy?

880
00:51:20.243 --> 00:51:22.995
l hear you.
Where are you?

881
00:51:23.413 --> 00:51:25.331
Follow my voice.

882
00:51:26.291 --> 00:51:28.334
Come to me.

883
00:51:33.715 --> 00:51:35.591
Vespa, where are you going?

884
00:51:35.591 --> 00:51:38.719
Vespa, come to me.

885
00:51:42.682 --> 00:51:45.601
Daddy.
ls it really you?

886
00:51:45.601 --> 00:51:47.186
Yes, my dear.

887
00:51:47.896 --> 00:51:51.607
l guarantee it.
Would l lie?

888
00:51:54.319 --> 00:51:55.361
Daddy.

889
00:51:55.361 --> 00:51:56.445
(EXCLAlMS)

890
00:51:56.445 --> 00:51:58.155
DOT: No, Vespa, don't!

891
00:51:58.155 --> 00:51:59.365
(EXCLAlMS)

892
00:51:59.365 --> 00:52:00.449
(GROANS)

893
00:52:01.827 --> 00:52:03.536
Fooled you.

894
00:52:04.412 --> 00:52:06.288
(DARK HELMET LAUGHlNG)

895
00:52:06.706 --> 00:52:09.625
Take them both aboard and put
the Princess in my quarters.

896
00:52:09.625 --> 00:52:11.210
Yes, sir.

897
00:52:11.210 --> 00:52:12.962
Now she is mine.

898
00:52:13.421 --> 00:52:14.922
What's the matter?
What are they saying?

899
00:52:14.922 --> 00:52:16.882
They've taken
the Princess.

900
00:52:17.134 --> 00:52:18.801
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

901
00:52:22.222 --> 00:52:24.560
(SPACESHlP RUMBLlNG)

902
00:52:26.476 --> 00:52:28.644
Spaceballs.
Too late.

903
00:52:28.644 --> 00:52:31.355
Don't worry, boss.
We'll get her back.

904
00:52:34.985 --> 00:52:36.277
Thanks for
the gas, Yogurt.

905
00:52:36.277 --> 00:52:38.487
You're welcome.
And here!

906
00:52:39.197 --> 00:52:41.365
Just in case
you get hungry.

907
00:52:42.750 --> 00:52:43.868
A fortune cookie?
Yes!

908
00:52:43.868 --> 00:52:47.246
Remember, open it
before you eat it.

909
00:52:47.998 --> 00:52:50.124
Thanks.
We better get going.

910
00:52:50.124 --> 00:52:52.877
l wonder, will we ever
see each other again?

911
00:52:53.860 --> 00:52:56.380
Who knows? God willing,
we'll all meet again

912
00:52:56.380 --> 00:52:59.425
in Spaceballs 2:
The Search for More Money.

913
00:53:00.260 --> 00:53:01.969
Goodbye, Lone Starr.

914
00:53:01.969 --> 00:53:03.637
Goodbye, Yogurt.

915
00:53:04.347 --> 00:53:06.390
The ring of the Schwartz!

916
00:53:06.933 --> 00:53:09.180
No, l can't take this.

917
00:53:09.180 --> 00:53:12.646
Take it.
You might need it.

918
00:53:13.148 --> 00:53:15.774
Thanks.
l'll never forget you.

919
00:53:17.235 --> 00:53:18.944
Wish me luck.

920
00:53:24.409 --> 00:53:26.760
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

921
00:53:41.593 --> 00:53:43.344
So, Princess Vespa,

922
00:53:43.344 --> 00:53:46.639
at last l have you
in my clutches

923
00:53:47.182 --> 00:53:50.851
to have my way with you
the way l want to.

924
00:53:51.144 --> 00:53:53.854
No, please!
Leave me alone.

925
00:53:53.854 --> 00:53:55.272
No, you are mine.

926
00:53:55.272 --> 00:53:56.732
(MlMlCKlNG LONE STARR)
Not so fast, Helmet.

927
00:53:56.732 --> 00:53:58.670
Lone Starr.

928
00:53:58.670 --> 00:54:00.778
Yes, it's me. l'm here
to save my girlfriend.

929
00:54:00.778 --> 00:54:01.987
Hi, honey.

930
00:54:01.987 --> 00:54:04.281
Now you are
going to die.

931
00:54:04.616 --> 00:54:06.200
(MlMlCKlNG GROANlNG)

932
00:54:06.785 --> 00:54:08.619
(MlMlCKlNG BARF) Hey,
what'd you do to my friend?

933
00:54:08.619 --> 00:54:11.747
The same thing l'm going
to do to you, big boy.

934
00:54:11.747 --> 00:54:13.332
And you, too.

935
00:54:14.125 --> 00:54:17.753
Now, Princess Vespa,
at last we are alone.

936
00:54:18.630 --> 00:54:21.215
No, l hate you.
Leave me alone!

937
00:54:21.215 --> 00:54:23.842
Yet l find you
strangely attractive.

938
00:54:23.842 --> 00:54:25.427
Of course you do.

939
00:54:25.427 --> 00:54:29.598
Druish princesses are often
attracted to money and power.

940
00:54:29.598 --> 00:54:32.559
And l have both.
And you know it.

941
00:54:33.228 --> 00:54:35.145
Leave me alone!
No, kiss me!

942
00:54:35.145 --> 00:54:36.772
No! Yes! No!

943
00:54:36.772 --> 00:54:38.230
No!
Yes!

944
00:54:38.483 --> 00:54:39.775
(MOANlNG)

945
00:54:43.196 --> 00:54:45.406
Your helmet
is so big.

946
00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:47.324
Lord Helmet.
What?

947
00:54:47.324 --> 00:54:49.285
You're needed
on the bridge, sir!

948
00:54:49.285 --> 00:54:51.662
Knock on my door.
Knock next time!

949
00:54:51.662 --> 00:54:52.788
Yes, sir.

950
00:54:52.788 --> 00:54:54.456
Did you see anything?
No, sir.

951
00:54:54.456 --> 00:54:56.125
l didn't see you
playing with your dolls.

952
00:54:56.125 --> 00:54:57.293
Good.

953
00:55:16.396 --> 00:55:17.813
(GASPS)
President Skroob.

954
00:55:17.813 --> 00:55:21.734
l told you never to call me on
this wall. This is an unlisted wall.

955
00:55:21.734 --> 00:55:23.652
Sorry, sir,
but it's vey important.

956
00:55:23.652 --> 00:55:26.710
The Princess has just
been brought to your office

957
00:55:26.710 --> 00:55:28.699
and Lord Helmet and Colonel
Sandurz are awaiting you there.

958
00:55:28.699 --> 00:55:31.160
All right. Tell them
l'll be right there.

959
00:55:31.160 --> 00:55:32.494
Yes, sir!

960
00:55:36.833 --> 00:55:37.833
(ZlPPlNG)

961
00:55:37.833 --> 00:55:39.126
(GROANS)

962
00:55:41.400 --> 00:55:42.338
(FLUSHlNG)

963
00:55:44.299 --> 00:55:46.842
Helmet, you fiend!
What's going on?

964
00:55:46.842 --> 00:55:48.510
What are you doing
to my daughter?

965
00:55:48.510 --> 00:55:50.346
Permit me
to introduce

966
00:55:50.346 --> 00:55:54.183
the brilliant young plastic
surgeon, Dr. Phillip Schlotkin.

967
00:55:54.601 --> 00:55:59.104
The greatest nose job man in the
entire universe and Beverly Hills.

968
00:55:59.397 --> 00:56:00.647
Your Highness.

969
00:56:00.647 --> 00:56:02.191
Nose job?
l don't understand.

970
00:56:02.191 --> 00:56:05.361
She's already had a nose job.
lt was her sweet-sixteen present.

971
00:56:05.361 --> 00:56:08.781
No, it's not what you
think. It's much, much worse.

972
00:56:08.990 --> 00:56:12.493
lf you do not give me the
combination to the air shield,

973
00:56:12.493 --> 00:56:16.872
Dr. Schlotkin will give your
daughter back her old nose.

974
00:56:16.872 --> 00:56:18.123
(EXCLAlMlNG)

975
00:56:18.123 --> 00:56:18.873
No!

976
00:56:22.420 --> 00:56:24.338
Where did you get that?

977
00:56:24.338 --> 00:56:26.590
All right, l'll tell!

978
00:56:26.883 --> 00:56:28.967
No, Daddy,
no, you mustn't!

979
00:56:28.967 --> 00:56:32.960
You're right, my dear.
l'll miss your new nose.

980
00:56:32.960 --> 00:56:35.391
But l will not tell him the
combination, no matter what.

981
00:56:35.391 --> 00:56:39.186
Vey well. Dr.
Schlotkin, do your worst.

982
00:56:39.479 --> 00:56:41.230
My pleasure.

983
00:56:44.317 --> 00:56:46.360
KlNG ROLAND: No! Wait!

984
00:56:47.320 --> 00:56:49.655
l'll tell.

985
00:56:50.407 --> 00:56:54.368
DARK HELMET: I knew it would
work. All right, give it to me.

986
00:56:55.870 --> 00:56:57.663
The combination is:

987
00:56:59.916 --> 00:57:00.916
One.

988
00:57:00.916 --> 00:57:02.000
(BOTH REPEATlNG)

989
00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:03.127
Two.

990
00:57:03.127 --> 00:57:04.211
(BOTH REPEATlNG)

991
00:57:04.211 --> 00:57:05.504
Three.

992
00:57:06.256 --> 00:57:07.339
Four.

993
00:57:09.843 --> 00:57:10.968
Five.

994
00:57:12.554 --> 00:57:16.765
So the combination is
1 -2-3-4-5.

995
00:57:17.559 --> 00:57:20.644
That's the stupidest combination
l ever heard in my life!

996
00:57:20.644 --> 00:57:23.272
That's the kind of thing an
idiot would have on his luggage!

997
00:57:23.272 --> 00:57:24.690
Thank you,
Your Highness.

998
00:57:25.817 --> 00:57:26.859
What did you do?

999
00:57:26.859 --> 00:57:27.943
l turned off
the wall.

1000
00:57:27.943 --> 00:57:29.486
No, you turned off
the whole movie.

1001
00:57:29.486 --> 00:57:30.946
l must have pressed
the wrong button.

1002
00:57:30.946 --> 00:57:32.531
(lNDlSTlNCT MOANlNG)
Put the movie back on !

1003
00:57:32.531 --> 00:57:33.699
Yes, sir.

1004
00:57:33.699 --> 00:57:35.117
You gotta get
that thing fixed.

1005
00:57:35.117 --> 00:57:37.786
We're back! And we
have the combination !

1006
00:57:37.786 --> 00:57:39.496
Schlotkin !
What?

1007
00:57:39.496 --> 00:57:40.873
We're done with you.

1008
00:57:40.873 --> 00:57:43.625
Go back to the golf course
and work on your putts.

1009
00:57:43.625 --> 00:57:45.502
Let's go, Arnold.
Come, Gretchen.

1010
00:57:45.502 --> 00:57:49.256
Of course, you know l'll still
have to bill you for this.

1011
00:57:52.510 --> 00:57:54.720
l bet she gives
great helmet.

1012
00:57:57.765 --> 00:57:59.308
Did it work?
Where's the King?

1013
00:57:59.308 --> 00:58:01.310
lt worked, sir.
We have the combination.

1014
00:58:01.310 --> 00:58:05.856
Great. Now we can take every last
breath of fresh air from Planet Druidia.

1015
00:58:05.856 --> 00:58:07.107
What's the combination?

1016
00:58:07.107 --> 00:58:09.670
1 -2-3-4-5.

1017
00:58:09.402 --> 00:58:10.652
1 -2-3-4-5?

1018
00:58:10.652 --> 00:58:11.737
Yes.

1019
00:58:11.737 --> 00:58:15.365
That's amazing. l've got the
same combination on my luggage.

1020
00:58:15.365 --> 00:58:18.118
Prepare SpacebaII One
for immediate departure.

1021
00:58:18.118 --> 00:58:19.244
Yes, sir.

1022
00:58:19.244 --> 00:58:22.800
And change the combination
on my luggage.

1023
00:58:23.410 --> 00:58:23.832
(GROANS)

1024
00:58:28.755 --> 00:58:31.632
There it is. Spaceball
City, straight ahead.

1025
00:58:31.632 --> 00:58:33.509
Good,
l'm taking her in.

1026
00:58:36.930 --> 00:58:39.139
GUARD: What the hell
is that thing?

1027
00:58:39.139 --> 00:58:41.433
GUARD 1 : lt looks like
a Winnebago with wings.

1028
00:58:42.644 --> 00:58:45.187
Hey, you can't
park here!

1029
00:58:45.187 --> 00:58:48.230
Yeah, can't you guys
read? "No parking."

1030
00:58:51.611 --> 00:58:52.819
(MlMlCS KlSSlNG)

1031
00:58:52.819 --> 00:58:54.905
That son of a. . .

1032
00:58:57.909 --> 00:59:02.371
All right, hands up. You're
under arrest for illegal parking.

1033
00:59:02.371 --> 00:59:03.455
Yeah !

1034
00:59:06.876 --> 00:59:08.460
(GUARDS YELLlNG)

1035
00:59:26.521 --> 00:59:30.607
MAN ON PA: Warden Miller,
you're wanted in V-17.

1036
00:59:31.192 --> 00:59:35.654
Attention.
Section C scanners, report.

1037
00:59:36.948 --> 00:59:37.990
Nah.

1038
00:59:42.328 --> 00:59:43.829
She's gotta be in
one of these cells.

1039
00:59:43.829 --> 00:59:45.831
(WHlSPERlNG)
Yeah, but which one?

1040
00:59:47.667 --> 00:59:49.420
No.
No.

1041
00:59:49.420 --> 00:59:52.254
VESPA: (SlNGlNG)
Nobody knows

1042
00:59:52.254 --> 00:59:53.630
lt's coming
from here.

1043
00:59:53.630 --> 00:59:54.923
That can't
be her.

1044
00:59:54.923 --> 00:59:57.342
The trouble
l've seen

1045
00:59:58.136 --> 01:00:03.348
Nobody knows
but Jesus

1046
01:00:05.143 --> 01:00:06.393
lt's her.

1047
01:00:07.437 --> 01:00:11.230
Nobody knows

1048
01:00:11.608 --> 01:00:14.670
The trouble l've seen

1049
01:00:14.444 --> 01:00:15.611
She's a bass.

1050
01:00:15.611 --> 01:00:19.865
VESPA: (SlNGlNG)
Glory hallelujah

1051
01:00:23.536 --> 01:00:24.786
(GROANS)

1052
01:00:25.455 --> 01:00:27.122
What do you want?

1053
01:00:27.122 --> 01:00:28.415
lt's me.

1054
01:00:29.420 --> 01:00:30.292
lt's us.

1055
01:00:30.292 --> 01:00:32.919
Lone Starr.
How did you find us?

1056
01:00:32.919 --> 01:00:34.963
No time to talk.
Come on.

1057
01:00:34.963 --> 01:00:36.173
We gotta move.

1058
01:00:36.173 --> 01:00:37.799
Barf! How'd you do it?

1059
01:00:40.511 --> 01:00:41.887
(WHlSPERlNG)

1060
01:00:59.238 --> 01:01:01.823
Those are the guys
that stole our uniforms!

1061
01:01:01.823 --> 01:01:04.242
And beat the shit
out of us, too!

1062
01:01:05.119 --> 01:01:06.536
(SHUDDERlNG)

1063
01:01:08.539 --> 01:01:10.820
We got company.

1064
01:01:15.254 --> 01:01:16.505
Watch out!

1065
01:01:19.676 --> 01:01:21.677
Damn it! That's
our only way out.

1066
01:01:21.677 --> 01:01:22.803
We're trapped.

1067
01:01:22.803 --> 01:01:24.540
l hate
these movies.

1068
01:01:26.766 --> 01:01:27.808
(GROANlNG)

1069
01:01:27.808 --> 01:01:28.892
l'm out of ammo!

1070
01:01:28.892 --> 01:01:30.894
Get back!
l'll hold them off.

1071
01:01:32.105 --> 01:01:33.647
l got an idea!

1072
01:01:35.441 --> 01:01:36.858
DOT:
What's he doing?

1073
01:01:36.858 --> 01:01:38.485
(BARF GRUNTlNG)

1074
01:01:44.992 --> 01:01:46.368
(GROANlNG)

1075
01:01:49.622 --> 01:01:50.789
Good work.

1076
01:01:50.789 --> 01:01:52.833
More ping-pongs.
Run for it.

1077
01:01:52.833 --> 01:01:54.167
Let's go!

1078
01:01:57.714 --> 01:01:59.798
lt's closing !

1079
01:02:01.259 --> 01:02:02.968
The door's closing !

1080
01:02:02.968 --> 01:02:04.511
Go for broke!

1081
01:02:06.130 --> 01:02:07.556
(ALL SCREAMlNG)

1082
01:02:13.620 --> 01:02:15.647
Don't move or you're
dead. Stand up!

1083
01:02:15.647 --> 01:02:17.774
Captain,
we've got them.

1084
01:02:21.529 --> 01:02:25.574
Spectacular stunt, my friends,
but all for naught.

1085
01:02:26.576 --> 01:02:28.326
Turn around, please.

1086
01:02:29.829 --> 01:02:32.914
What a pity.

1087
01:02:33.666 --> 01:02:37.419
So, Princess, you thought you could
outwit the imperious force of. . .

1088
01:02:37.419 --> 01:02:38.670
(GASPS)

1089
01:02:41.382 --> 01:02:42.799
You idiots!

1090
01:02:43.342 --> 01:02:46.928
These are not them. You've
captured their stunt doubles.

1091
01:02:47.847 --> 01:02:50.640
Search the area.
Find them !

1092
01:02:53.394 --> 01:02:56.146
LONE STARR: Hurry up. Get
aboard. l'll hold them off.

1093
01:02:59.317 --> 01:03:00.776
Open the door!

1094
01:03:00.985 --> 01:03:02.277
l can't,
it's fused.

1095
01:03:02.277 --> 01:03:04.112
What about this one?
lt's locked.

1096
01:03:04.112 --> 01:03:05.947
Where are the keys?
lnside.

1097
01:03:05.947 --> 01:03:07.699
Oh, great!
Duck!

1098
01:03:10.870 --> 01:03:13.205
Here, you hold them off.
l'll get the door.

1099
01:03:13.205 --> 01:03:15.749
l ain't shooting this
thing. l hate guns.

1100
01:03:18.377 --> 01:03:21.129
My hair.
He shot my hair!

1101
01:03:22.131 --> 01:03:24.216
You son of a bitch !

1102
01:03:35.610 --> 01:03:36.895
Holy shit!

1103
01:03:41.734 --> 01:03:43.151
How was that?

1104
01:03:43.151 --> 01:03:44.694
Not bad.

1105
01:03:44.694 --> 01:03:46.238
Not bad
for a girl.

1106
01:03:46.238 --> 01:03:48.657
That was pretty good
for Rambo!

1107
01:03:48.657 --> 01:03:50.659
Let's blow this joint.

1108
01:03:54.121 --> 01:03:55.914
(FOOTSTEPS POUNDlNG)

1109
01:04:02.296 --> 01:04:05.715
SANDURZ: President
Skroob! Salute!

1110
01:04:05.715 --> 01:04:07.342
ALL: Hail, Skroob.

1111
01:04:08.845 --> 01:04:11.763
The ship is too big. lf l
walk, the movie will be over.

1112
01:04:11.763 --> 01:04:13.140
Sir.
Yes?

1113
01:04:13.140 --> 01:04:14.140
(GASPS)

1114
01:04:14.140 --> 01:04:17.185
Never have that damn
thing down in front of me.

1115
01:04:17.185 --> 01:04:20.210
How do l know you're not making
faces at me under that thing?

1116
01:04:20.210 --> 01:04:21.565
SANDURZ: President Skroob.
Yes?

1117
01:04:21.565 --> 01:04:23.817
There it is,
Planet Druidia.

1118
01:04:24.610 --> 01:04:28.613
(EXCLAlMlNG) Planet Druidia.
And 1 0,000 years of fresh air.

1119
01:04:28.948 --> 01:04:31.116
The way he runs things,
it won't last 1 00.

1120
01:04:31.116 --> 01:04:32.200
What?

1121
01:04:32.200 --> 01:04:34.452
Preparing ship for
metamorphosis, sir.

1122
01:04:34.452 --> 01:04:36.370
Good.
Get on with it.

1123
01:04:36.370 --> 01:04:37.581
Ready, Kafka?

1124
01:04:44.213 --> 01:04:45.463
Look, it's
Spaceball One.

1125
01:04:47.633 --> 01:04:49.500
They've reached
the air shield.

1126
01:04:49.500 --> 01:04:50.927
DOT: And it's opening.

1127
01:04:54.640 --> 01:04:56.808
The ship's too big.
They'll never get through.

1128
01:04:56.808 --> 01:04:59.895
How will they get the air out? l
don't see any hoses or anything.

1129
01:05:05.151 --> 01:05:06.818
What's happening?

1130
01:05:09.739 --> 01:05:12.198
The ship. Changing.

1131
01:05:26.255 --> 01:05:29.883
Oh, my gosh. lt's
not just a spaceship.

1132
01:05:30.718 --> 01:05:32.510
lt's a transformer.

1133
01:05:43.230 --> 01:05:44.981
DOT: lt's changing into...

1134
01:05:44.981 --> 01:05:46.858
BARF: A gigantic...

1135
01:05:46.858 --> 01:05:48.360
VESPA: Maid!

1136
01:05:48.694 --> 01:05:50.528
LONE STARR:
With a vacuum cleaner.

1137
01:05:52.730 --> 01:05:55.330
So that's how they're
gonna get the air out.

1138
01:06:16.389 --> 01:06:20.684
Metamorphosis completed, sir.
SpacebaII One has now become

1139
01:06:25.231 --> 01:06:26.523
Megamaid.

1140
01:06:26.941 --> 01:06:28.191
Good !

1141
01:06:28.191 --> 01:06:29.359
Remarkable.

1142
01:06:29.359 --> 01:06:33.697
Now, commence
Operation Vacu-Suck.

1143
01:06:35.574 --> 01:06:37.325
(MEGAMAlD WHlRRlNG)

1144
01:06:40.204 --> 01:06:43.289
TOGETHER: Suck.

1145
01:06:57.960 --> 01:06:59.639
(GASPlNG)
Goodbye, little Vespa.

1146
01:07:01.475 --> 01:07:06.620
My little baby Vespa.

1147
01:07:06.647 --> 01:07:07.939
(GASPlNG)

1148
01:07:13.446 --> 01:07:15.238
The air bag,
it's almost full.

1149
01:07:15.238 --> 01:07:16.364
DOT: What do we do?

1150
01:07:20.286 --> 01:07:21.536
We've gotta act fast.

1151
01:07:21.536 --> 01:07:25.498
Step one: We reverse the vacuum and
blow the air back onto the planet.

1152
01:07:25.498 --> 01:07:28.877
Step two: We
destroy that thing.

1153
01:07:29.128 --> 01:07:30.879
But isn't that
dangerous?

1154
01:07:30.879 --> 01:07:32.172
Extremely.

1155
01:07:32.172 --> 01:07:36.134
Plus, l don't know how the
hell we're gonna do it.

1156
01:07:36.802 --> 01:07:38.553
What about that ring
Yogurt gave you?

1157
01:07:38.553 --> 01:07:39.929
Oh, yeah.

1158
01:07:41.570 --> 01:07:43.224
Come on, boss.
Give it a shot!

1159
01:07:43.224 --> 01:07:45.310
Okay.
Here goes nothing.

1160
01:07:55.279 --> 01:07:56.654
VESPA: Look at that.

1161
01:07:56.654 --> 01:07:57.906
Wow!

1162
01:07:58.991 --> 01:08:00.492
BARF: lt's working.

1163
01:08:01.660 --> 01:08:03.620
VESPA: Come on, Schwartz!

1164
01:08:03.871 --> 01:08:05.413
(ALL CHEERlNG)

1165
01:08:12.671 --> 01:08:14.214
Helmet,
what's going on?

1166
01:08:14.214 --> 01:08:15.924
Sandurz,
what's going on?

1167
01:08:15.924 --> 01:08:19.761
lt's Megamaid. She's
gone from suck to blow.

1168
01:08:20.221 --> 01:08:23.181
What? They're getting all
their air back. Do something.

1169
01:08:23.181 --> 01:08:24.808
Do something !

1170
01:08:24.808 --> 01:08:26.142
ON PA: Do something!

1171
01:08:35.945 --> 01:08:37.487
(WlND BLOWlNG)

1172
01:08:42.201 --> 01:08:43.743
l'm breathing.

1173
01:08:44.995 --> 01:08:46.790
Air.

1174
01:08:48.290 --> 01:08:49.624
Air!

1175
01:08:58.134 --> 01:08:59.384
Dim the lights.

1176
01:08:59.384 --> 01:09:00.927
Dimming the lights.

1177
01:09:01.220 --> 01:09:02.303
LONE STARR:
Go to infrared.

1178
01:09:02.303 --> 01:09:03.680
Going to infrared.

1179
01:09:03.680 --> 01:09:04.764
Pray to God.

1180
01:09:04.764 --> 01:09:06.391
Praying to God.

1181
01:09:08.185 --> 01:09:09.435
(BEEPlNG)

1182
01:09:15.192 --> 01:09:17.318
DOT: (PANlCKlNG) Careful.

1183
01:09:24.910 --> 01:09:26.661
What are you doing?

1184
01:09:26.661 --> 01:09:27.996
Scanning.

1185
01:09:32.668 --> 01:09:34.430
(WHlRRlNG)

1186
01:09:35.296 --> 01:09:37.500
There's gotta be
a self-destruct mechanism

1187
01:09:37.500 --> 01:09:39.900
somewhere in
the central brain area.

1188
01:09:43.721 --> 01:09:45.430
l think
we just found it.

1189
01:09:45.430 --> 01:09:47.265
Where?
Watch.

1190
01:09:47.265 --> 01:09:49.580
(FLlPPlNG SWlTCH)

1191
01:09:52.563 --> 01:09:54.647
Bingo!
There it is.

1192
01:09:56.660 --> 01:09:57.859
lt's right below us.

1193
01:09:58.569 --> 01:10:00.111
Put her in hover, Barf.

1194
01:10:00.111 --> 01:10:01.654
Putting her in hover.

1195
01:10:02.489 --> 01:10:03.531
l'm going
down there.

1196
01:10:03.531 --> 01:10:05.575
He's going
down there.

1197
01:10:06.118 --> 01:10:07.535
l wouldn't.

1198
01:10:49.286 --> 01:10:51.454
What the hell
are you doing?

1199
01:10:52.539 --> 01:10:54.415
The Vulcan
neck pinch?

1200
01:10:55.000 --> 01:10:57.961
No, stupid. You got
it much too high.

1201
01:10:57.961 --> 01:11:00.755
lt's down here where the
shoulder meets the neck.

1202
01:11:00.755 --> 01:11:02.173
Like this?

1203
01:11:02.173 --> 01:11:03.341
Yeah.

1204
01:11:06.530 --> 01:11:07.303
Thanks.

1205
01:11:12.851 --> 01:11:16.104
AUTOMATED VOlCE: Hand print
identification, please.

1206
01:11:22.361 --> 01:11:23.653
(BEEPlNG)

1207
01:11:26.198 --> 01:11:27.657
Thanks again.

1208
01:11:35.582 --> 01:11:37.410
ls that you, Mylar?

1209
01:11:48.262 --> 01:11:50.430
Who are you? What are
you doing with that?

1210
01:11:50.430 --> 01:11:51.723
This!

1211
01:11:52.182 --> 01:11:53.182
(SCREAMS)

1212
01:11:55.436 --> 01:11:56.769
(GROANlNG)

1213
01:11:56.769 --> 01:11:58.813
Sweet dreams.

1214
01:12:16.810 --> 01:12:18.291
Not so fast,
Lone Starr.

1215
01:12:18.834 --> 01:12:20.840
Helmet.

1216
01:12:20.502 --> 01:12:24.797
So. At last we meet for the
first time for the last time.

1217
01:12:25.257 --> 01:12:26.591
(lNAUDlBLE)

1218
01:12:27.593 --> 01:12:32.550
Before you die, there is something
you should know about us, Lone Starr.

1219
01:12:33.570 --> 01:12:34.182
What?

1220
01:12:34.600 --> 01:12:39.979
l am your father's brother's
nephew's cousin's former roommate.

1221
01:12:42.941 --> 01:12:44.650
What's that make us?

1222
01:12:44.650 --> 01:12:46.611
Absolutely nothing!

1223
01:12:46.945 --> 01:12:49.614
Which is what
you are about to become.

1224
01:12:50.908 --> 01:12:52.784
Prepare to die.

1225
01:13:00.167 --> 01:13:05.460
You have the ring, and l see
your Schwartz is as big as mine.

1226
01:13:07.299 --> 01:13:10.301
Now let's see
how well you handle it.

1227
01:13:13.305 --> 01:13:14.847
(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

1228
01:13:30.239 --> 01:13:31.614
(SCREAMlNG)

1229
01:13:33.158 --> 01:13:34.492
(STUTTERS)

1230
01:13:34.743 --> 01:13:35.868
He did it.

1231
01:13:35.868 --> 01:13:37.360
What?

1232
01:13:53.804 --> 01:13:57.181
Shit! l hate it when l
get my Schwartz twisted.

1233
01:13:57.891 --> 01:14:02.603
Maybe if l put my leg up on yours,
we could scoot apart, like...

1234
01:14:03.188 --> 01:14:06.650
Good. Yeah, on three.
One, two, three, go!

1235
01:14:17.453 --> 01:14:18.828
(CRACKLlNG)

1236
01:14:29.214 --> 01:14:30.548
(LAUGHlNG)

1237
01:14:36.388 --> 01:14:37.930
(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

1238
01:14:43.312 --> 01:14:44.687
(GROANlNG)

1239
01:14:48.484 --> 01:14:52.445
So, Lone Starr,
Yogurt has taught you well.

1240
01:14:53.572 --> 01:14:56.866
lf there's one thing l
despise, it is a fair fight.

1241
01:14:57.242 --> 01:14:59.410
But if I must,
then l must.

1242
01:14:59.410 --> 01:15:01.412
May the best man win.

1243
01:15:02.414 --> 01:15:03.915
Put her there.

1244
01:15:07.669 --> 01:15:11.797
The ring! l can't believe you fell
for the oldest trick in the book.

1245
01:15:12.257 --> 01:15:16.427
What a goof! What's
with you, man? Come on.

1246
01:15:16.803 --> 01:15:19.180
You know what? Here, let
me give it back to you.

1247
01:15:19.180 --> 01:15:21.682
Look at that!
You fell for that, too.

1248
01:15:21.682 --> 01:15:23.726
I can't believe it, man.

1249
01:15:25.687 --> 01:15:30.399
So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph

1250
01:15:30.901 --> 01:15:32.902
because good is dumb.

1251
01:15:42.538 --> 01:15:44.705
Vey impressive,
Lone Starr.

1252
01:15:45.165 --> 01:15:48.125
Too bad this isn't
the Wide World of Sports.

1253
01:15:49.200 --> 01:15:52.338
YOGURT: Use the Schwartz,
Lone Starr. Use the Schwartz.

1254
01:15:52.338 --> 01:15:54.674
l can't.
l lost the ring.

1255
01:15:54.674 --> 01:15:57.593
Forget the ring.
The ring is bupkis.

1256
01:15:57.593 --> 01:16:00.120
l found it
in a Cracker Jack box.

1257
01:16:00.430 --> 01:16:04.225
The Schwartz is in you,
Lone Starr. lt's in you.

1258
01:16:04.225 --> 01:16:06.435
All right. l'll try.

1259
01:16:06.812 --> 01:16:09.355
Say goodbye to
your two best friends.

1260
01:16:09.731 --> 01:16:12.650
And l don't mean your pals
in the Winnebago.

1261
01:16:18.730 --> 01:16:19.490
(SCREAMlNG)

1262
01:16:21.326 --> 01:16:24.161
AUTOMATED VOlCE: Thank you for
pressing the self-destruct button.

1263
01:16:24.161 --> 01:16:27.331
This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.

1264
01:16:27.331 --> 01:16:29.000
(ALARM BLARlNG)

1265
01:16:32.400 --> 01:16:35.590
What's going on? Where
the hell are we? Paris?

1266
01:16:35.590 --> 01:16:37.967
Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.

1267
01:16:37.967 --> 01:16:42.513
This ship will self-destruct in
exactly two minutes and 45 seconds.

1268
01:16:42.513 --> 01:16:45.990
You've got to stop it. ls
there any way to stop it?

1269
01:16:45.990 --> 01:16:47.268
l can't.
lt's irreversible.

1270
01:16:47.268 --> 01:16:48.936
Like my raincoat.

1271
01:16:48.936 --> 01:16:52.640
Attention, this is Colonel
Sandurz in forward command.

1272
01:16:52.640 --> 01:16:53.608
Abandon ship!

1273
01:16:53.608 --> 01:16:56.319
All personnel proceed
to escape pods.

1274
01:16:56.319 --> 01:16:59.280
Close down the circus.
Evacuate the zoo.

1275
01:16:59.280 --> 01:17:03.200
The self-destruct mechanism has
been activated. Abandon ship.

1276
01:17:04.360 --> 01:17:07.622
Sandurz, you gotta help me.
l don't know what to do.

1277
01:17:07.622 --> 01:17:10.416
l can't make decisions.
l'm a president!

1278
01:17:10.626 --> 01:17:12.585
AUTOMATED VOlCE: This is
your two-minute warning.

1279
01:17:12.585 --> 01:17:15.671
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes.

1280
01:17:15.671 --> 01:17:18.841
SANDURZ ON PA: Launch all escape
pods as soon as they are filled.

1281
01:17:19.176 --> 01:17:20.885
What's happening?
Where is he?

1282
01:17:21.219 --> 01:17:23.950
CHORUS: (SlNGlNG)
Spaceballs

1283
01:17:23.597 --> 01:17:25.140
Watch out!

1284
01:17:27.851 --> 01:17:29.518
Where is he?
LONE STARR: Here.

1285
01:17:29.518 --> 01:17:31.896
We've got a minute and 40 before
the end of the world. Hang on.

1286
01:17:32.397 --> 01:17:34.273
Spaceballs

1287
01:17:36.735 --> 01:17:38.270
Full throttle.
Full throttle.

1288
01:17:38.270 --> 01:17:39.779
Go to hyper-jets!
Going to hyper-jets.

1289
01:17:41.615 --> 01:17:45.743
MAN: (SlNGlNG) lf you're livin' in
a bubble and you haven't got a care

1290
01:17:45.743 --> 01:17:47.870
Get out of there. Where
do you think you're going?

1291
01:17:47.870 --> 01:17:49.121
Pizza to go!

1292
01:17:49.121 --> 01:17:50.998
Well, you're gonna
be in trouble

1293
01:17:50.998 --> 01:17:53.000
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

1294
01:17:56.463 --> 01:17:58.422
'Cause what you got
is what we need

1295
01:17:58.422 --> 01:18:00.508
And all we do
is dirty deeds

1296
01:18:00.508 --> 01:18:02.885
We're the Spaceballs

1297
01:18:03.950 --> 01:18:04.530
Watch out!

1298
01:18:04.530 --> 01:18:06.972
'Cause we're
the Spaceballs

1299
01:18:06.972 --> 01:18:08.432
(GROWLlNG)

1300
01:18:11.228 --> 01:18:13.437
That's my escape pod.
Who are you?

1301
01:18:13.437 --> 01:18:16.941
l'm the bearded lady. What
are you, one of the freaks?

1302
01:18:17.442 --> 01:18:18.776
(LAUGHlNG)

1303
01:18:19.277 --> 01:18:22.530
Come back!
That's my pod ! No!

1304
01:18:26.340 --> 01:18:28.786
Come back, you fat,
bearded bitch !

1305
01:18:29.955 --> 01:18:34.830
One pod left. And three of
us. And l'm the president.

1306
01:18:34.334 --> 01:18:36.669
Well, boys,
it's a very lovely ship.

1307
01:18:36.669 --> 01:18:38.754
l think you should
go down with it.

1308
01:18:39.131 --> 01:18:40.423
Goodbye!

1309
01:18:43.885 --> 01:18:46.178
What the hell's the
matter with this seat belt?

1310
01:18:46.178 --> 01:18:47.596
(SCREAMlNG)

1311
01:18:47.596 --> 01:18:48.973
(GROWLS)

1312
01:18:50.142 --> 01:18:51.517
(LAUGHlNG)

1313
01:18:53.770 --> 01:18:55.229
Spaceballs

1314
01:18:55.229 --> 01:18:58.274
AUTOMATED VOlCE: This ship will
self-destruct in 20 seconds.

1315
01:18:58.274 --> 01:19:01.277
This is your last chance to
push the cancellation button.

1316
01:19:01.277 --> 01:19:03.821
Cancellation button?
Hurry!

1317
01:19:05.323 --> 01:19:07.575
CHORUS: (SlNGlNG)
Spaceballs

1318
01:19:07.575 --> 01:19:09.243
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

1319
01:19:11.371 --> 01:19:12.872
Where is it?

1320
01:19:12.872 --> 01:19:14.248
lt's gotta be here.

1321
01:19:14.248 --> 01:19:15.291
SKROOB:
Out of order?

1322
01:19:15.291 --> 01:19:17.793
Fuck! Even in the
future nothing works.

1323
01:19:17.793 --> 01:19:21.172
AUTOMATED VOlCE: This ship will
self-destruct in exactly 1 0 seconds.

1324
01:19:21.172 --> 01:19:22.423
(ALL SHUDDERlNG)

1325
01:19:22.423 --> 01:19:23.924
Counting down.

1326
01:19:23.924 --> 01:19:25.676
Ten. Nine.

1327
01:19:26.303 --> 01:19:27.261
Eight.

1328
01:19:27.261 --> 01:19:28.345
Six.

1329
01:19:28.345 --> 01:19:30.431
Six? What happened
to seven?

1330
01:19:30.431 --> 01:19:32.160
Just kidding.

1331
01:19:32.517 --> 01:19:33.559
There's the other
end. Faster!

1332
01:19:33.559 --> 01:19:34.643
Seven.

1333
01:19:34.643 --> 01:19:37.730
Six. Five. Four.

1334
01:19:37.730 --> 01:19:40.608
Three. Two. One.

1335
01:19:41.193 --> 01:19:42.735
Have a nice day.

1336
01:19:42.735 --> 01:19:44.361
ALL: Thank you.

1337
01:19:54.873 --> 01:19:56.207
VESPA: We did it!

1338
01:19:56.207 --> 01:19:57.792
(ALL CHEERlNG)

1339
01:19:59.211 --> 01:20:00.503
(HOWLlNG)

1340
01:20:03.381 --> 01:20:04.965
We all did it.

1341
01:20:07.219 --> 01:20:09.530
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG)

1342
01:20:24.690 --> 01:20:28.489
So, l guess you might call
that a case of man bites droid?

1343
01:20:31.451 --> 01:20:34.119
On a sadder note,
Pizza the Hutt,

1344
01:20:34.119 --> 01:20:38.791
famed half man, half pizza,
was found dead earlier today

1345
01:20:38.791 --> 01:20:41.669
in the back seat
of his stretched limo.

1346
01:20:41.669 --> 01:20:43.796
Evidently,
the notorious gangster

1347
01:20:43.796 --> 01:20:47.758
became locked in his car
and ate himself to death.

1348
01:20:48.468 --> 01:20:52.680
Coming up, Pongo's review
of Rocky 5,000.

1349
01:20:53.974 --> 01:20:54.974
Pongo.

1350
01:20:54.974 --> 01:20:56.183
PONGO: Whoever said
when you've seen...

1351
01:20:56.183 --> 01:20:58.769
Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.

1352
01:20:58.769 --> 01:21:03.107
Now we don't have to pay him the
million. We can keep it for ourselves.

1353
01:21:03.107 --> 01:21:04.525
(SlGHlNG)

1354
01:21:22.627 --> 01:21:23.836
Daddy!

1355
01:21:24.588 --> 01:21:27.882
Vespa, my darling. l thought
l'd never see you again.

1356
01:21:27.882 --> 01:21:32.511
My sweet little daughter. l'm so
happy that you're home and safe.

1357
01:21:32.762 --> 01:21:36.640
And, little Vespa, here's someone
else who's happy to see you.

1358
01:21:39.728 --> 01:21:42.771
Hello.
Where have you been?

1359
01:21:48.862 --> 01:21:50.863
(MUSlC PLAYlNG ON RADlO)

1360
01:21:58.622 --> 01:21:59.997
Thanks, hon.

1361
01:22:05.337 --> 01:22:07.171
(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

1362
01:22:12.636 --> 01:22:15.804
Hiya, big stuff.
Hi, dream.

1363
01:22:16.181 --> 01:22:17.264
What will you have?

1364
01:22:17.264 --> 01:22:20.100
We just got a couple minutes while
we're gassing up. What's ready?

1365
01:22:20.100 --> 01:22:22.561
l can give you the space
soup, or the space special.

1366
01:22:22.561 --> 01:22:24.480
LONE STARR:
l'll have the soup.

1367
01:22:24.480 --> 01:22:25.731
Okay.

1368
01:22:25.731 --> 01:22:28.525
l'll have the cleavage.
Special.

1369
01:22:29.611 --> 01:22:32.613
Okay, one special
and one soup.

1370
01:22:35.992 --> 01:22:36.951
Ready to order?

1371
01:22:36.951 --> 01:22:38.770
Hi, yes.

1372
01:22:38.770 --> 01:22:39.495
We'll both have
the lunafish.

1373
01:22:39.495 --> 01:22:40.579
Anything to drink?

1374
01:22:40.579 --> 01:22:43.582
Hey, watch where you're
sticking that thing.

1375
01:22:43.582 --> 01:22:44.667
(EXCLAlMS)

1376
01:22:44.667 --> 01:22:46.627
Look, it's got a mind
of its own, sweetheart.

1377
01:22:46.627 --> 01:22:48.712
l can't do
a thing with it.

1378
01:22:49.470 --> 01:22:50.339
(HOWLlNG)

1379
01:22:54.970 --> 01:22:58.389
So, we were lost. None
of us knew where we were.

1380
01:22:58.389 --> 01:23:02.518
And then Harry began feeling
around on all the trees.

1381
01:23:02.518 --> 01:23:06.355
Then he said, "l got
it. We on Pluto."

1382
01:23:06.815 --> 01:23:08.899
And we say, "Harry,
how can you tell?"

1383
01:23:08.899 --> 01:23:11.610
He said, "From the
bark, you dummies."

1384
01:23:16.408 --> 01:23:17.616
(GROANlNG)

1385
01:23:17.616 --> 01:23:18.701
ls he all right?

1386
01:23:18.701 --> 01:23:21.120
MAN 1 : Yeah,
the guy digs me.

1387
01:23:21.120 --> 01:23:22.746
Hey, what's wrong
with this guy?

1388
01:23:22.746 --> 01:23:24.289
l don't know.

1389
01:23:24.289 --> 01:23:25.916
(JOHN GROANlNG)

1390
01:23:27.430 --> 01:23:28.502
Bring him
some water!

1391
01:23:28.502 --> 01:23:32.470
Water, my ass! Bring this
guy some Pepto-Bismol !

1392
01:23:32.924 --> 01:23:36.100
Waitress!
What did he order?

1393
01:23:36.100 --> 01:23:37.803
He had the special.

1394
01:23:37.803 --> 01:23:40.639
That's what l ordered.
Change my order to the soup.

1395
01:23:40.639 --> 01:23:41.807
Good move.

1396
01:23:41.807 --> 01:23:43.267
(GROANlNG)

1397
01:23:46.813 --> 01:23:48.147
(SNARLlNG)

1398
01:23:50.608 --> 01:23:53.736
Oh, no. Not again !

1399
01:23:55.822 --> 01:23:57.197
(EXCLAlMlNG)

1400
01:23:57.197 --> 01:23:58.615
(GROWLlNG)

1401
01:24:05.915 --> 01:24:08.250
(SlNGlNG) Hello, my
baby Hello, my honey

1402
01:24:08.250 --> 01:24:10.627
Hello, my ragtime gal

1403
01:24:10.627 --> 01:24:15.299
Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart's on fire

1404
01:24:15.299 --> 01:24:17.760
lf you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me

1405
01:24:17.760 --> 01:24:19.136
Then you'll be
left alone

1406
01:24:19.136 --> 01:24:24.183
Oh, baby, telephone and
tell me l'm your own

1407
01:24:26.978 --> 01:24:28.479
BOTH: Check, please.

1408
01:24:39.157 --> 01:24:41.575
Five minutes
to magic time.

1409
01:24:41.575 --> 01:24:45.370
Are you all right, my dear?
You look a little flighty.

1410
01:24:45.370 --> 01:24:48.540
Don't worry about me, Father.
l'm completely over him.

1411
01:24:48.540 --> 01:24:49.708
(SCOFFS)

1412
01:24:49.708 --> 01:24:51.585
Didn't even stay
for the wedding.

1413
01:24:51.585 --> 01:24:54.588
Just grabbed his million
space bucks and ran.

1414
01:24:54.588 --> 01:24:56.757
He didn't
take the million.

1415
01:24:56.757 --> 01:24:58.920
He didn't?

1416
01:24:58.920 --> 01:25:03.550
No. He just took 248 space
bucks for lunch, gas and tolls.

1417
01:25:13.441 --> 01:25:15.776
l still can't believe
you turned down the money.

1418
01:25:15.776 --> 01:25:19.279
At least we could have stayed for
the wedding feast. l'm starving.

1419
01:25:19.279 --> 01:25:21.573
Have you got
anything to eat?

1420
01:25:22.534 --> 01:25:25.744
Wait a minute. Yogurt gave
me that fortune cookie.

1421
01:25:26.121 --> 01:25:27.371
Here, chow down.

1422
01:25:27.371 --> 01:25:29.289
Wow, thanks. l'll
split it with you.

1423
01:25:29.289 --> 01:25:30.707
No.
Okay.

1424
01:25:35.880 --> 01:25:36.171
BOTH: Yogurt!

1425
01:25:36.171 --> 01:25:37.589
Hello, boys.

1426
01:25:37.841 --> 01:25:41.301
Well, you opened your fortune
cookie, so here's your fortune.

1427
01:25:41.301 --> 01:25:45.305
Lone Starr, you know that medallion
that you wear around your neck

1428
01:25:45.305 --> 01:25:47.474
but you don't know
what it means?

1429
01:25:47.474 --> 01:25:50.894
Here's what it means. lt's
a royal birth certificate.

1430
01:25:50.894 --> 01:25:55.440
Yes! Your father was a king.
Your mother was a queen.

1431
01:25:55.440 --> 01:25:59.153
Which makes you
a certified prince.

1432
01:25:59.153 --> 01:26:01.822
Hey, l'm a prince!

1433
01:26:01.822 --> 01:26:04.116
l'm a prince.
Which means. . .

1434
01:26:04.116 --> 01:26:08.328
Which means, if you hury, there
could be a princess in your future.

1435
01:26:08.328 --> 01:26:11.331
lf you want to get back there
before she marries Sleeping Beauty,

1436
01:26:11.331 --> 01:26:14.668
there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.

1437
01:26:14.668 --> 01:26:15.752
Good luck, boys.

1438
01:26:15.752 --> 01:26:16.879
Bye, Yogurt.

1439
01:26:16.879 --> 01:26:19.673
And, Yogurt, thanks.

1440
01:26:19.673 --> 01:26:21.175
You're welcome.

1441
01:26:21.175 --> 01:26:25.470
And may the Schwartz
be with you!

1442
01:26:25.470 --> 01:26:27.306
(SCATTlNG GlBBERlSH)

1443
01:26:30.476 --> 01:26:32.311
Barf, open that
glove compartment.

1444
01:26:32.311 --> 01:26:34.438
You got it,
Your Highness.

1445
01:26:37.817 --> 01:26:40.527
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!

1446
01:26:40.527 --> 01:26:42.529
Quick, pour it
in the emergency tank.

1447
01:26:42.529 --> 01:26:43.822
Right.

1448
01:26:47.760 --> 01:26:48.535
Look at that.

1449
01:26:50.163 --> 01:26:51.246
Done!

1450
01:26:51.246 --> 01:26:54.291
Hang on, Barf, we're
gonna make spacetracks.

1451
01:26:54.291 --> 01:26:56.430
(ENGlNES REVVlNG)

1452
01:27:04.427 --> 01:27:06.803
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG)

1453
01:27:33.623 --> 01:27:35.123
(GULLS CAWlNG)

1454
01:27:47.178 --> 01:27:50.639
Dear me, what are those
things coming out of her nose?

1455
01:27:52.183 --> 01:27:53.934
Hey, watch my helmet.

1456
01:27:53.934 --> 01:27:55.352
(GRUNTlNG)

1457
01:27:57.355 --> 01:27:59.314
Spaceballs?

1458
01:27:59.565 --> 01:28:02.276
Oh, shit.
There goes the planet.

1459
01:28:05.530 --> 01:28:09.408
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here together

1460
01:28:12.203 --> 01:28:14.121
Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?

1461
01:28:14.121 --> 01:28:16.123
l didn't think
it was important.

1462
01:28:16.123 --> 01:28:17.833
May l continue,
please?

1463
01:28:17.833 --> 01:28:20.544
Besides, he asked me
not to tell you.

1464
01:28:21.212 --> 01:28:22.546
Thank you.

1465
01:28:23.470 --> 01:28:27.843
To join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium. . .

1466
01:28:29.950 --> 01:28:31.960
l'm sorry,
it's the hair.

1467
01:28:31.723 --> 01:28:36.180
Prince Valium in the
bonds of holy matrimony.

1468
01:28:36.180 --> 01:28:39.646
l see it all now. Don't
you see? He loves me!

1469
01:28:39.646 --> 01:28:41.606
l'm trying to conduct
a wedding here,

1470
01:28:41.606 --> 01:28:42.941
which has nothing
to do with love.

1471
01:28:42.941 --> 01:28:44.568
Please be quiet.
l'm sorry.

1472
01:28:44.568 --> 01:28:45.652
l'm sorry.

1473
01:28:45.652 --> 01:28:46.737
l'm sorry, too.

1474
01:28:46.737 --> 01:28:48.710
Don't be sorry.
Be quiet!

1475
01:28:48.710 --> 01:28:49.948
ALL THREE: l'm sorry!

1476
01:28:52.702 --> 01:28:56.747
To join Princess Vespa
and Prince Valium

1477
01:28:56.747 --> 01:28:59.820
in the bonds of holy

1478
01:28:59.820 --> 01:29:00.751
(RUMBLlNG)
moly!

1479
01:29:01.336 --> 01:29:02.961
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

1480
01:29:06.174 --> 01:29:07.257
Matrimony.

1481
01:29:07.257 --> 01:29:09.968
That's him ! l know
it's him. He's come back.

1482
01:29:09.968 --> 01:29:13.513
That's it! l'm gonna take no more
chances. We're doing the short version.

1483
01:29:13.513 --> 01:29:17.351
Prince Valium, do you take Princess
Vespa to be your lawfully wedded wife?

1484
01:29:17.351 --> 01:29:21.146
Princess Vespa, do you take Prince
Valium to be your lawfully wedded husband?

1485
01:29:21.146 --> 01:29:23.565
(STUTTERlNG)
Well, l suppose.

1486
01:29:23.775 --> 01:29:25.650
Well. . .
Oh, l don't know.

1487
01:29:25.650 --> 01:29:27.690
LONE STARR:
No! She doesn't!

1488
01:29:27.690 --> 01:29:28.278
What?

1489
01:29:28.278 --> 01:29:29.863
(ALL GASPlNG)

1490
01:29:33.284 --> 01:29:35.118
Who the hell are you?

1491
01:29:35.118 --> 01:29:37.120
Prince Lone Starr.

1492
01:29:37.120 --> 01:29:38.455
Prince?

1493
01:29:38.455 --> 01:29:40.957
l just found out.
That's what this says.

1494
01:29:40.957 --> 01:29:43.168
l'm an honest to God prince.

1495
01:29:43.795 --> 01:29:45.462
Will you marry me?

1496
01:29:45.797 --> 01:29:47.923
Well, let me
think about it.

1497
01:29:49.500 --> 01:29:50.175
Yes.

1498
01:29:50.175 --> 01:29:51.426
l'm sick of this.

1499
01:29:51.426 --> 01:29:54.721
l don't give a damn who it is, but
l'm gonna marry somebody today!

1500
01:29:54.721 --> 01:29:56.556
Who are you?
l'm the best man.

1501
01:29:56.556 --> 01:29:58.580
What's your name?
Barf.

1502
01:29:58.580 --> 01:29:59.309
Your full name.

1503
01:29:59.309 --> 01:30:00.644
Barfolomew.

1504
01:30:00.644 --> 01:30:02.620
Are you the one
that's getting married?

1505
01:30:02.620 --> 01:30:03.146
No.

1506
01:30:03.146 --> 01:30:04.731
Then get over there!

1507
01:30:04.731 --> 01:30:07.901
Okay, here we go.
The short, short version.

1508
01:30:08.319 --> 01:30:10.278
Do you?
Yes.

1509
01:30:10.488 --> 01:30:11.696
Do you?
Yes!

1510
01:30:11.696 --> 01:30:14.740
Good. You're married.
Kiss her.

1511
01:30:14.534 --> 01:30:17.327
l love you.

1512
01:30:28.339 --> 01:30:30.549
(SNlFFLlNG)
Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm.

1513
01:32:27.458 --> 01:32:29.209
(SPACEBALLS PLAYlNG)

1514
01:32:48.145 --> 01:32:52.482
MAN: (SlNGlNG) lf you're livin' in
a bubble and you haven't got a care

1515
01:32:55.736 --> 01:32:57.571
Well, you're gonna
be in trouble

1516
01:32:57.571 --> 01:33:00.198
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

1517
01:33:03.350 --> 01:33:05.360
'Cause what you got
is what we need

1518
01:33:05.360 --> 01:33:07.380
And all we do
is dirty deeds

1519
01:33:07.380 --> 01:33:09.499
We're the Spaceballs

1520
01:33:09.917 --> 01:33:10.917
CHORUS: Watch out!

1521
01:33:10.917 --> 01:33:13.670
'Cause we're
the Spaceballs

1522
01:33:14.672 --> 01:33:16.590
We're the masters of space

1523
01:33:16.590 --> 01:33:18.425
MAN: Hey,
don't mess around

1524
01:33:18.425 --> 01:33:20.677
With the Spaceballs

1525
01:33:29.812 --> 01:33:31.605
Going cruising
in a spaceship

1526
01:33:31.605 --> 01:33:34.240
We're so good at being bad

1527
01:33:37.361 --> 01:33:41.656
We'll destroy your little
planet if you ever get us mad

1528
01:33:44.702 --> 01:33:46.620
We're mothers of the galaxy

1529
01:33:46.620 --> 01:33:48.955
You better scatter
when you see

1530
01:33:48.955 --> 01:33:51.333
The Spaceballs!

1531
01:33:51.333 --> 01:33:52.584
Watch out!

1532
01:33:52.584 --> 01:33:55.128
We're the Spaceballs

1533
01:33:56.500 --> 01:33:58.480
We're the masters of space

1534
01:33:58.480 --> 01:33:59.966
Say what?
Don't mess around

1535
01:33:59.966 --> 01:34:02.427
With the Spaceballs

1536
01:34:02.887 --> 01:34:04.554
Watch out!

1537
01:34:33.125 --> 01:34:35.710
We're mothers of the galaxy

1538
01:34:35.710 --> 01:34:40.256
We're gonna take
the air you breathe

1539
01:34:40.716 --> 01:34:44.520
Oh, Spaceballs!

1540
01:34:44.512 --> 01:34:45.595
Watch out!

1541
01:34:45.595 --> 01:34:48.556
We're the Spaceballs

1542
01:34:48.766 --> 01:34:51.434
We're the masters of space

1543
01:34:51.811 --> 01:34:55.313
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

1544
01:34:55.313 --> 01:34:56.731
Duck!
Watch out!

1545
01:34:56.731 --> 01:34:59.609
We're the Spaceballs

1546
01:35:00.611 --> 01:35:03.113
We're the masters of space

1547
01:35:03.113 --> 01:35:06.991
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

1548
01:35:06.991 --> 01:35:08.118
Watch out!

1549
01:35:08.118 --> 01:35:10.620
We've got
a bossin' little ship

1550
01:35:11.706 --> 01:35:13.998
So you better
watch your lip

1551
01:35:15.501 --> 01:35:18.420
'Cause we're the Spaceballs

1552
01:35:18.420 --> 01:35:19.546
Watch out!

1553
01:35:19.546 --> 01:35:21.881
You may think
that you are bad

1554
01:35:23.300 --> 01:35:26.520
But believe you can be had

1555
01:35:26.887 --> 01:35:29.848
By the Spaceballs

1556
01:35:29.848 --> 01:35:30.932
Watch out!

1557
01:35:30.932 --> 01:35:33.435
We're the Spaceballs

1558
01:35:33.435 --> 01:35:34.561
Watch out!

1559
01:35:34.561 --> 01:35:37.397
We're the Spaceballs

1560
01:35:37.982 --> 01:35:40.942
We're the masters of space

1561
01:35:40.942 --> 01:35:45.710
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

1562
01:35:46.490 --> 01:35:48.241
We're so bad and mean

1563
01:35:49.744 --> 01:35:52.620
We make nightmares
out of dreams

1564
01:35:53.539 --> 01:35:54.539
We're the Spaceballs

1565
01:36:01.547 --> 01:36:02.589
You better

1566
01:36:02.589 --> 01:36:03.840
Watch out!

1567
01:36:03.840 --> 01:36:05.425
(MAN LAUGHlNG)